Who is Better at Persuasion Men or Women?
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I just read a very controversial article by Deborah over at New Media Marketing on how to be more influential in social networks, specifically twitter. Deborah wrote in this article that women are better persuaders than men, always have been always will be, and us men need to get our act together if we are ever going to make it in the new web 2.0 culture of marketing.
Some people have been calling this article sexist. Gee, I wonder why?/sarcasm
photo credit: The Dark Night
Deborah then went on to say that is mostly the men on the very popular social site Twitter, are not able to reap the benefits because men are bad at connecting and women are the queens of connection.
She even made the bold statement of claiming that women have been influencing men since the beginning of time, with Adam and Eve as an example.
By the way,I don’t think it was Eve’s ability to connect that got her to persuade Adam, I think she used other assets. That’s right, I went there >:-)
Seriously though, here is a quote from her article:
“Since the dawn of time, women have been influencing men–whether men admit it or not (Remember the apple? Bathsheba?)…I’m merely pointing out that connecting and influencing people is not something that comes naturally to men. But just as any skill can be learned in business in order to succeed, men are learning from women how to succeed in the New Media Marketplace that requires you to really get to know your clients, prospects and followers.” -Deborah Micek
Interesting idea Deborah, but I gotta school ya on this one.
I do agree that some twitterers just push their product and or blog without connecting with anyone and then they get frustrated and wonder why they are not getting all the benefits from twitter that they were told were possible.
I see what she is saying, and it makes sense, in the new web 2.o where social media and human connection is how people are finding information online. And women by their very nature are usually pros at making social connections, but I think she is still missing one important thing.
There is a persuasion philosophy that I subscribe to, and it applies whether you are influencing others face to face, online, offline, in person and on the phone.
Influence can be summed up and chunked down into two basic components connect and lead.
You must make the connection that establishes trust, rapport and credibility, and THEN you leverage that connection to lead them to take action.
You have probably heard of the Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang. The concept of yin and yang (or masculine and feminine) describes two opposing and, at the same time, complementary aspects of human beings.
photo credit: Love story of Radha and Krishna
Feminine Yin energy is all about connecting.
Masculine yang energy is all about leading.
We all have both energies within us, but with most people one tends to be dominant.
Therein lays the problem grasshopper, when you are too dominant in masculine energy or too feminine in your energy you persuasion style suffers.
I think what Deborah is talking about on twitter with her examples of the Men who are less persuasive need to balance out their masculine and feminine energy.
Men who are too dominantly masculine in persuasion situations come across as the pushy salesman, too eager to close the deal, without taking the time to really connect, get rapport with a person, and really see what their needs are still not going to reach their full persuasion potential online or offline
So I can agree with her at least this much, however the same thing goes for women.
Women who are too dominantly feminine in persuasion situations come across as too compassionate, and too nurturing. This person might find themselves talking too much about things that have nothing to do with what you are marketing, because you are too busy trying to connect are neither reaching their full persuasion potential.
In this sense rapport and connection is a two edged sword.
Think of salesman or saleswoman who has such strong rapport and connects so deeply with the client that they feel too much compassion, and when the client offers an objection you agree with them, because you are too good of friend now.
It isn’t that masculine energy is better in persuasion of that feminine energy is more appropriate for influence. Masculine energy and feminine energy compliment each other.
photo credit: Ying Yang
In short, Deborah men and women can learn from each other, when it comes to persuasion.
Men can learn from women by balancing their dominant and at times pushy energy, with the nurturing caring energy that leads to rapport, connection, and trust.
Women can learn from men by balancing their strong compassionate, nurturing energy with masculine energy because it’s that energy which leads people to take action, which is what persuasion is all about.
To learn more about balancing your yin and yang energies for maximum persuasion power about the law of balance, in my article the 7 Inner Laws of Persuasion
P.S.
If you do not know what twitter is, it’s a new and unique type of social network, you can check out my profile here @persuasionrtist. It’s a great way to network with people, of similar interests, and a lot of big gun marketers and bloggers are using it to stimulate interest in their blogs and products.
I want to hear what you have to say about this controversial topic. Whether you agree or disagree with me, I welcome your feedback in the comment box below.
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10 Responses to “Who is Better at Persuasion Men or Women?”
By @CoachDeb on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
Whether or not Eve used her other “ASSets” or not - doesn’t matter - women have all sorts of skills to Influence men. Not our fault men don’t have those same ASSets
oh yah! I went there right along WITH ya’!
By Bill on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
I never said women didn’t have all sorts of skills to persuade men, the point is women are not more persuasive than men in general. Women do have more sexual power, but ASSets, are not the only persuasion method, at least I hope not.
By @CoachDeb on May 1, 2008 | Reply
ohboy - typical man who thinks he’s gotta school the lil woman. (sighs) More proof that men need some serious lessons on what influences women positively verses negatively. Perhaps I should’ve made THAT point more clear.
Funny too, because you raise very good points. But to say you’re going to “school me” moves you from the ability to connect and thereby influence me, and moves me into a more aggressive position as a woman.
One of the biggest mistakes men make when communicating with women. They don’t let women lead in the way they lead best.
And leadership is not a masculine quality - because leadership takes on many different forms.
I’d say Oprah’s got greater influence and leadership than any man in traditional media right now. Afterall - look at the presidential candidate that she put on the map.
Leadership is not defined as dictatorship.
Leadership can be described as servant leadership - and we alllll know that is certainly not a particularly masculine quality.
Wow! this is perfect! Your post just proved my point.
Oh and one last thing - my focus was that women were natural born “Influencers” (not persuaders). Small distinction, but most men go to the persuasive word b/c they think they can shortcut the connection aspect of influence.
By Bill on May 1, 2008 | Reply
“ohboy - typical man who thinks he’s gotta school the lil woman.”
Ohgirl- the fact that you would attempt to reframe my intentions for writing my article by putting the term “lil woman” in my hypothetical mouth set’s the childish tone of your very weak argument.
AND the fact that you even take my words out of context and turn it into a sexist insult against women is ludicrous and yet more evidence of your ignorance.
But mind you, your weak argument has nothing to do with your gender. M-kay?
In response to you calling me a “typical man”. Well, that might of hurt my feelings if it wasn’t based on ONE SENTENCE in an 800 word article that’s dominant argument that women and men are equal and can learn from each other.
(shakes head)
But hey Deborah, watch this; I can take what you say out of context too!
Okay hmmm, let’s see, how about “…connecting and influencing people is not something that comes naturally to men”
Now if I were really insecure, I could have just as easily taken that sentence from your article, folded my arms, stuck my chin in the air and said “oh boy typical women needs to teach the big dumb man, how to be influential.”
I might even go so far into my irrational aggression and ignore all the positive things you said about men who were the exception and then say something like, “Wow, if you are going to put ALL men in a little stereotypical box like that, then maybe you do need to be schooled.”
“(sighs) More proof that men need some serious lessons on what influences women positively verses negatively.”
So now this interaction has suddenly gone from influence, marketing, twitter, and web 2.0 all the way over to the far away land of men persuading women. Oookaaayeeee I’m not even gonna touch that one.
“Funny too, because you raise very good points.”
Wouldn’t be much of a persuasion artist if I didn’t.
“But to say you’re going to “school me” moves you from the ability to connect and thereby influence me, and moves me into a more aggressive position as a woman.”
If it makes you feel any better the dominant intent of my article, was not to influence and connect with you Deborah. My blog is about my expression of my perspective of persuasion and influence.
Anyway, it’s 10:30 on the west coast, and all this being right is making me tired.
Too bad we couldn’t have met on nicer terms, but seriously I read the rest of your comment and it is all standing on the shoulders of your initial poor argument, so too even address it would be a waste of our time as it is all spawned from a flawed and rather immature premise.
But hey, if you wanna feel more wrong tomorrow, maybe you can use you vast powers of feminine influence to get me to respond it then.
Thank you for proving MY point that ignorance is unisexual.
Good Night,
-Bill
By Warmheart on May 1, 2008 | Reply
Thought provoking article and great discussion i love to see heckles rise in the great male female debate.
From my experience male or female doesn’t matter when it comes to persuading but authenticity does. I’ve been in situations where men and women have tried to persuade me to buy what they are offering, to use a service they are promoting. And in truth the only people who got my attention were those who were authentic.
Cheesy grins and useless platitudes don’t do it for me.
By @CoachDeb on May 2, 2008 | Reply
Hey - you know I love you right?
It’s all in good fun AND important to debate these types of things. I wish more people would engage me on these types of topics - but me thinks… thar scarred? (southern accent - did ya hear it?)
Anyhoo - I’ll see ya on Twitter @CoachDeb
Let’s continue this LIVE - shall we?
ooooh I’m gonna get LOTS of unfollows from all the Tweeting I’ll be doing w/ you on THIS topic!
By Bill on May 3, 2008 | Reply
Warmheart,
Thank you for commenting, and yes debates like these do Warmheart,
Thank you for commenting, and yes debates like these do spark fun conversations like these.
I agree with you 100% about authenticity, even though I am teaching people how to be more persuasive, I want people to also understand that it’s important to not be manipulative and phony.
Being manipulative is not what persuasion is about to me, and I think in the market place more and more consumers are getting turned off very quickly by the cheesy car salesman approach.
Persuasion is about using language to present your offer or yourself in it’s best way, and if it’s not for the client or persons best interests then we don’t try to force our ideas and offers on people.
The people who are best at persuasion also quickly know when their offer is not a match and move on, rather then pressuring or manipulating someone into taking action
I appreciate the time you too to read this and come back soon Warmheart.
-Bill
By Sue on May 12, 2008 | Reply
The word that came to mind with this post is seduction. Women ARE better at that, but also because people, on some level, expect women to be.
By @CoachDeb on Jun 1, 2008 | Reply
Aloha Bill,
TWitter has been acting funky - sorry I haven’t been able to follow back on Twitter - keeps giving me error - boo hoo! And I so wanted to continue this lively debate there. Aye - what we get for “free” services I guess eh?
Warmheart,
Yes, I think “manipulative” is seen when people are being phoney, fake or ulterior have motives. Women can sense this from a mile away from a “car salesman” like person.
ooooh! u just reminded me to write the next part of the article series…
Bottom line is the only way to truly persuade is when you’re being authentic.
By Nightmajic on Jun 2, 2008 | Reply
“Bottom line is the only way to truly persuade is when you’re being authentic.”
Bingo.