8 Covert Methods to Instant Rapport and Charisma with Anyone Fast
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photo credit: Jeff Bauche
You want to be more persuasive, that’s probably why you are on this blog. Perhaps because you want to increase your sales and income or because you want to win friends and influence people, or perhaps you want to present yourself in a more attractive way to the opposite sex.
Thinking about the objectives you have, and thinking about using persuasion and influence skills to obtain those objectives, eventually leads you to learning rapport strategies. Because unless you have rapport with people you are trying to influence, you might as well throw any other persuasion, covert hypnosis, or influence skill out the window.
You probably have heard about matching and mirroring, and maybe some other NLP based rapport techniques. I am going to share with you 8 advanced and powerful rapport strategies that you probably haven’t heard of before.
As powerful as these rapport strategies are, they are not silver bullets. These methods will work best depending on the situation you are in, because all situations are unique. However, you will notice the more you use them the more people will find themselves drawn to you and you will become extremely persuasive and irresistibly charismatic.
1. Match the Other Persons Breathing.
When done properly matching and mirroring a persons physical gestures is effective at gaining rapport. What I have found is when it comes to mirroring, the more unconscious the gesture is, i.e. the more it is out of the persons conscious awareness, the more it has an impact on rapport. This is why mirroring someone breathing is so effective, in normal conversation people don’t think about their breathing.
When I first heard this method it sounded really hard, how do you notice the rhythm of someone’s breathing without staring at the person’s chest?
Especially with females this seems like it would be a problem.
Here’s what you do, when people are speaking they are breathing out, so when they stop speaking most of the time they are breathing in. To match their breathing, breathe out when they are speaking and breathe in when they stop talking.
2. Mirror Facial Expressions
This is one of the easiest ways to match someone because unless you are being really ridiculously obvious, there is no way to get caught. Simply because the only way they can see what facial expression they are giving is you have a mirror up against their face.
P.S. This is also one of the best ways to test for rapport too. If you want to see if you have rapport with someone make a slight change in your face, I squint when I am stressing a point, and see if they follow by making the same face. You will be amazed at this, believe me it works – really good.
3. State Truisms in Their Reality
If you state something that is obviously true, their unconscious mind will recognize you as a truthful person and you will gain rapport. You want to say things that they cannot contest; this will get them into an agreeable state of mind. Truisms typically can be anything that is observable in the current environment. For example:
“We’re here and we are obviously looking at this type of product.” or “I noticed you were over here standing by this product on and earlier you were looking at the product over there” or “We have a lot of customers in here today” or “You look like you are pressed for time”
If you are good at calibrating you might even be able to state a truism about what they are thinking.
For example when your prospect hears the price, and their eyes get big, and they take a step back, and it’s obvious they have a concern about price. You can say, “The other day I had a client who asked me about the prices and he said at fist he thought our price seemed to be more than he expected…”
4. Use Hypnotic Language Patterns to Increase Rapport
This is a more advanced strategy, and I will recommend some practice alone before application in the real world. I would only use it if you already have at least a little rapport, and then stack it in to the over all method to dramatically increase rapport.
“As we are talking today naturally we will begin to open up to each other, the more we talk you are going to notice how much more connected we become, you may or may not be aware that underneath those questions is the desire to connect with a person, or it’s not important to feel that connection now, only that you feel it as naturally and easily as you find reasons to feel connected, don’t you agree.
Language patterns are great because they presuppose you already have or quickly will be in rapport, and it is very difficult people to resist things that are inevitable 
For more on how to use and create your own language patterns see my article How to create your own Covert Hypnotic Language Patterns.
5. Use Descriptive Language to Increase Rapport
Some persuasion gurus say this works like magic, others say it’s as useful as having an ear on your elbow. I say ANYTHING can be appropriate under the right circumstances. Why thrown out a tool all together.
Descriptive language is effective, because it entails trance phrases, a little story telling, stating truisms, as well as hypnotic language patterns:
“Have you ever met someone first time, and you just found yourself feeling really connected to them. Maybe because you just feel it in your gut or maybe because they say something that really just resonates with you just can’t explain it, but for whatever reason you naturally find yourself just being drawn it this person, almost to the point where it seemed like the rest of the world just disappears, and time stands still, and all you feel all you experience is the power and the warmth of that connection?”
I realize this might sound funny in your head as you are reading it, this is an extreme example for sake of stressing the point of how to apply this. Anytime you describe an unconscious process the person will feel at least a little of that process, if you tonality is congruent and it makes sense to bring up conversationally.
More on this is my articles How to Combine Hypnosis with Stories for Covert Persuasion DYNAMITE and Should You Use Memorized Hypnotic Language Patterns?
6. Mirror the Unconscious Hello
Everyone has a unique nonverbal hello. It could be the way you nod your head, the way you smile when you greet people, or even a unique eye movement.
The rapport strategy here is to greet a person without giving them your unconscious hello, and when they give you theirs you immediately mirror it back at them.
Sounds simple right?
I gotta tell ya of all the strategies I am sharing with you about rapport in this post, the unconscious hello, if one of my favorites and in my experience it has also been one of the most powerful.
As simple as it sounds this one has been difficult for me personally to master. It requires focus and excellent calibration skills. But when I do it correctly with clients and people I meet socially it works better than many of the other rapport strategies combined!
It creates such instant and powerful rapport that the other strategies of rapport become unnecessary to use.
This technique is so complex it deserves it’s own post, and or video. In the mean while if you want to learn more about the unconscious hello search the archives in the NLP Connections Forum or go to a Kenrick Cleveland Max Persuasion seminar, he is the only one I know of who teaches this strategy.
7. Constructive Imaginary Experiences
A forewarning, this one gets a little woo woo. But as new-agey as it will sound, a lot of popular persuasion gurus have some type of method like this they teach. It works like this, as you are focusing on the person you want to gain rapport with, in your imagination see or feel some type of positive imaginary experience associated with them.
Kenrick Cleveland in his Max Persuasion course offers the experience of imagining a beam of light shooting into their eyes that works to connect you together. Tom and Kim of essential skills.com use a golden bubble of light surrounding the other person that opens the door way to rapport
I know this can sound like a bunch esoteric B.S., but I think there is a practical “planet earth” explanation for it.
One of the fundamental principles of NLP is that anyone can do anything if they are in the right mental and emotional state.
I think constructing imaginary experiences like this work because they change your internal state. When you are focusing, getting the deal, how you look, or wondering if they like you are in a state that hinders rapport. When you imagine surrounding someone with warm positive energy you are focusing on rapport and connection and most importantly THEM.
I think people can sense when you are looking at them as a piece of meat or a walking dollar. People can also sense when you care. It’s all in your state.
Some people try to explain this method by getting into chi, energy, psychic influence, and all other sorts of pseudo scientific reasons as to why this method is so effective. I would rather not get into that. I just care about results and I am sure you do to. Try is, if it works you have another tool to gain rapport.
8. Anchoring to Gain Rapport
In NLP, they call this high jacking anchors. Go watch Tony Robbins live or on DVD and you will see an example of the world most notorious anchor high jacker. He will be speaking, and he’ll go off on a motivational tangent and he’ll mention something about Buddha or Jesus Christ. Watch what he does with his hands. Whenever he says Jesus, or Buddah or any other person from history that he knows has a huge impact on many people, he will point to himself.
Now, this works for Tony because he is already in a frame where he is a powerful leader and teacher and he is saying it while surrounded my hundreds of people. So it’s not that big of a stretch for him.
I wouldn’t go around to people on the street and saying JESUS! while pointing to your chest, you’ll probably look like you escaped from a mental institution.
Here is how you can use it in the real world. Say you are meeting some one for the first time and you want to gain rapport you could say “I had such a great day the other day I went fishing with my best buddy Mike… Ya know, what it’s like when you are with your best friend (gesture to yourself) it’s really a nice way to spend your day off”
More Rapport Articles from the Blogosphere:
- Surrounding Ourselves With Pink Bubbles: More Ways To Gain Rapport With The Affluent – By Kenrick Cleveland
- The 7 Emotions You Can Pace To Build Rapport – By Hypnosis Control
What do you think? Do you Have a Question About Any of These Rapport Strategies? Would You Like to Share How You Would Use The Rapport Strategies? If So Please Leave a Comment in the comment Box Below- Thanks for Reading My Article! -Bill
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18 Responses to “8 Covert Methods to Instant Rapport and Charisma with Anyone Fast”
By Nightmajic on May 3, 2008 | Reply
This is an incredible post, Bill, thank you for taking the time to share this.
I can certainly attest to what you’re saying about the ‘unconscious hello.’ There’s a certain person in my life whose way of saying hello is making eye contact, then turning his head slightly away and smiling wrily … I noticed just by observing our interactions that after awhile I would greet him in the same way, and our rapport would greatly increase. In fact, when I mirror his hello he often responds with increasing his smile to a deep, increasing laugh. It’s interesting to me right now just how often we do this kind of stuff without realizing it, and how powerful it can become when we do it with intention.
Same thing with breathing. When I was about sixteen I realized, while sitting next to a girl I liked at the theater, that if I matched her breathing then after a while, began to change mine to a more ‘erotic’ pace, well … the whole night changed
Again, it’s interesting to have confirmation of these techniques as being quite real.
Would you say commiseration is a way toward rapport? I’ve found that sympathizing with another’s pain, grief, doubt, etc. is a great way to gain trust.
By Bill on May 3, 2008 | Reply
You are very welcome ninja, I appreciate the time you took to read it, it’s a big article.
Sounds like you are on the right track with the unconscious hello, try it on strangers you are meeting for the first time, and let me know how it works for you.
“interesting to me right now just how often we do this kind of stuff without realizing it..”
ABSOLUTLEY, in fact most persuasion material came from modeling what really charasmatic and highly influential people do naturally and reproducing it to get the same results.
You seem to be doing a great job, and I am glad to network with someone who is so passionate about persuasion, and willing to try different things keel up the good work!
ABout commiseration, yes any time you are stepping into someone’s shoes and feeling what they feel, you are becoming like them and one sentence to sum up all rapport skills could be the mor you can become like them and the more you can understand their point of view, and the more you know what connection means to them, the more you will be in rapport
Thanks for commenting
-Bill
By Nightmajic on May 3, 2008 | Reply
Well, one thing I’ve noticed right off the bat, Bill, is how quick I am with my own ‘unconscious hello’! I tried to hold firm to the task but even before I could /notice/ what theirs was, I had already delivered mine. It seems like some of our programs run pretty deep.
Do you use auto-suggestion, or specific intentionalized statements to yourself before trying these taks? Is there something you could say to this? Thanks again.
By William on May 4, 2008 | Reply
I am a service technician for a large residential, electrical company in southern California. This article is really informative. I am a strong advocate for the “science” of selling. I use many techniques everyday to gain rapport with my clients, most of which are listed in this article. I just want to add that some of these techniques work better or worse, depending on which personality type your faced with and the “manner” in which they purchase products or services. What I believe is that humor amongst humans is universal and can be “gaged”. I like to take a client’s “humor temperature” to see if their sense of humor is similar to my own and also find their stress level at this moment. (I am very careful not to be offensive) This helps clue me into how I to handle “the close”. I hope this helps and if there is any positive feedback please throw it my way!
By Bill on May 4, 2008 | Reply
Excellent question Nightmajic! ( apologies, I have been calling you ninjamagic my bad)
Yes, whenever you are learning new behaviors or unlearning old behaviors, it is common to run into your old habit patterns.
I am fortunate to have been able to study with Kenrick Cleveland who taught us this and gave us a “Light and Sound Session” (kinda like a hypnosis session with a light and sound machine) to assist program in the new learning.
But the advice I can give you to overcome that with you intention. Whenever you get into a persuasive situation be sure to state your intention on the inside, that way you are not running on auto-pilot.
You heard me speak of the constructive imaginary experiences or positive hallucinations in the above article. One thing that I sometimes play with to amplify my intention is right before I am about to do the unconscious hello I imagine myself walking through a white light that puts me into the neutral state.
Try it lemme know how it works.
You sound like quite the persuasion artist Nightmajic keep up the great work.
P.S. I am sure you also know that practice practice practice will also help you break your old habits
-Bill
By Bill on May 4, 2008 | Reply
William,
Thanks for the compliment; I put a lot of energy into these articles, and I appreciate the time you took to read it.
I can tell you are a good salesman, and I think you might be onto something very profound my friend for many reasons.
Agreed with what you said about personality types absolutely, depends on the person you are with, the mood or state they are in, what they are buying, the level of rapport etc. some of these strategies I would never even touch if I didn’t have at least some rapport.
I agree with you 100% about laugher.
1. That gauge you are talking about is your ability to observe where a person is at i.e. calibration, one of the most important skills in persuasion.
2. This is why laughter is so powerful, you hear me talk about mirroring breathing, and mirroring body movement. Laughter creates such a profound rapport and connection because it allows mirroring of physicality, breathing, and emotional state.
When two people are laughing, genuinely laughing, and having a good time, they are more or less naturally matching each others breathing, and body movement, and they are in the same state.
As a bi-product rapport goes through the roof!
Brilliant Willam, keep up the good work. Thanks for reading Persuasion Artist and thanks for your insightful comment.
-Bill
By Denver Web Design on May 5, 2008 | Reply
Great post. Been doing a lot of reading on persuasion lately, and this post is key. One of the best ways to build a relationship with a person (especially business related) is to just ask questions about themselves. People love talking about themselves. This strategy works great on dating too haha!
Subscribed!
By ana berloni on May 6, 2008 | Reply
Excellent information! Thank you for taking the time to post it. I do however have a question….
what happens when two people of like mind(s) meet for the first time and both are using the same strategy of persuasion? I would think it would cause some confusion with both parties. Forgive me, but I am very new to this but I do believe this works. Thanks for your time.
By Jenny on May 6, 2008 | Reply
great post!
By Nightmajic on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Hey again Bill. No worries on the name, I used to work at a bakery where my nickname was ‘ninja’ anyways … no hard feelings!
I decided to approach these 8 points one at a time and just to spend a couple of days on each, focusing my attention on not too much besides just observing how what I’m doing is affecting the situation, their moods, my mood, our rapport, etc. No hidden motives, just observation.
One thing I noticed with the mirroring of the breath is how quickly it would bring me into a state that was similar to theirs, and often, it was bringing me down! Most people are really very tense, anxious, riddled with nervous energy, or on the other end of the spectrum, just depressed. By following their breathing patterns and seeing where it was bringing me, I really began to feel like I wanted back to where I was before. And so, in returning to my own state, there were a few occasions where I was able to ‘bring’ the other person back with me. Although I’m not sure if I’ll make this a priority technique, it did demonstrate that sometimes in order to gain rapport or lead another person’s state, you may on occasion need to meet them on the same level. Any thoughts?
As for your advice on ‘walking through the white light’ and stating an intention inside, I did find it produced a more relaxed state, and from that state, more options were available, and it was easier to ‘respond’ to the person, as opposed to ‘react.’
I definately agree with William on humor. One thing I’ve noticed is that people generally laugh when they have a surplus of a certain type of energy. It could be nervous energy or it could be enthusiastic energy, but getting a laugh out of someone will really give me insight into just where they are at, not only in terms of their own self-image and emotional state, but also their attitudes about life, society and overall values. A single laugh can sometimes, for me, be like seeing a whole cross-section of a persons psychological makeup.
Denver Web Design~ do you ask just general questions to feel around first, or are there certain questions you find work better then others? I think that’s an interesting approach.
ana berloni~ I have this question, too, and I’ve come to a few different perspectives. I’m sure Bill has something great to say about this and I’m looking forward to hearing what he shares.
Something I’ve noticed is that even though a person may want something from me, or want me to do something, that doesn’t mean I can’t profit from the exchange. I don’t think it has to be ‘either/or’ — it can be AND. That may mean changing the role I play from superior to inferior, or vice versa, but just because another person is playing a game doesn’t mean we need to quit … we can play together! Life is, after all, a dance.
Great post, again, Bill. I’ve been working on ‘mirror facial expressions’ but this post is getting kinda long … do you have a forum, or have you thought about starting one?
By Breian Malupa - Breian.com on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Most people do not understand the power of persuasion. Most people also don’t understand the importance of persuasion.
Just wanted to add this little point:
Your success in life is interdependent to how well you can relate to others, how well you can build relatioships with others.
Great post Bill
By Alexandru Strimbeanu on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Many of the things you wrote i already knew, some of them i just didn’t knew i knew them, if you know what i mean :D. Anyway, brilliant blog and brilliant post, i will start practicing more and more these skills, they will come in handy :).
Thank you for the effort put in writing this post. Keep it up!
By contrive on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Many thanks Bill!
I knew of some but you have enlightened me to newer ones. Ill give them a try.
By Bill on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Hi Ana,
Thanks for the comment, and thanks for reading my post.
To answer your question about what would happen if two persuasion artists go head on
Will it cause confusion if they use the same strategy?
You only have to worry about that if you know and use only one persuasion technique.
Better said, the more flexible persuasion artist you are the more you will not be caught off guard. A big part of persuasion is noticing when your strategy is not working and then shifting the strategy to something else. Even though I laid out a lot of techniques here, there are still even more rapport tactics than this.
Influence 101: never rely on just one technique for persuasion, you need to have many whether you are dealing with someone who knows persuasion or not.
Also you really don’t need to be concerned about that happening because almost no one knows this stuff anyway.
Matching and mirroring is the most mainstream NLP based rapport technique, and to this day I meet many people who have been in sales for years and have never even heard of it, let alone some of the other covert techniques in this blog.
Bottom line very few know this information, and of those that know it, very few actually put it into practice and make it a part of their life.
You have an advantage Ana you believe it this technology, and that is the first step. Many people don’t believe it will work because they thing it is magic. It’s not magic it’s human psychology. And it takes a lot of practice and hard work to get really good.
If you study this blog, study some of the other blogs, and book I recommend, practice by turning the world into your portable persuasion lab VERY VERY VERY few people know what you know now, let alone how to do it.
Excellent question, best of luck
-Bill
P.S.
If you are new to this I would recommend starting by reading the book “Trance-Formations -NLP and the Structure of Hypnosis” by Richard Bandler and John Grinder- one of the first books on NLP
By jitendra on May 9, 2008 | Reply
Hello!!
You have a nice site here.
Keep it up.Very useful info.
Thanks
Jitendra
By Jason on May 12, 2008 | Reply
Excellent post… building rapport is so important, no matter who you are. These tactics may seem a bit far fetched, but they ALL work…
By reader on May 14, 2008 | Reply
Hey I have totally enjoyed most of your posts and it has helped me a lot with my confidence and my game.
Recently ran into an interesting podcast which I thought is so complimentary to what you do and would love your take on it. It is by a bunch of guys and they are at radicalchangegroup.com
I value your opinion dearly, and I have not been able to make up my mind if these podcasts are pure genius or a total scam, and your input would be invaluable
thanks