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You are going to want to bookmark this one guys. I have compiled a list here, in no particular order, some of my favorite NLP, covert persuasion, conversational hypnosis, and covert hypnosis strategies.
This is one of my best posts on this blog to date. Never have I crammed so many different persuasion strategies into one post. I sincerely hope enjoy these juicy persuasion tips.
These strategies will not make you a persuasion master that is able to spin words into gold overnight, but it will give you a firm idea of what the most powerful and potent covert persuasion strategies are built upon, as well as reveal the fundamentals of the art and science of persuasion.
These persuasion fundamentals will plant some healthy seeds of knowledge in your brain causing you to continue learning and practicing the art and science of persuasion in a way that gets you the results you desire.
Some of these strategies might seem as foreign as learning Algebra in Klingon, but you can relax in knowing that everyone who has gotten powerful positive results using this material has been there as well.
Whenever I write a post like this, where I lay out the hard-core covert persuasion strategies on the table, I get a lot of positive and negative feedback. So I will take a moment to address the haters.
A lot of you critics and naysayers read this type of post and think “oh, that wouldn’t work one me.” Or “I’m so smart; I’ll catch someone doing that”
To all my un-fans and anti-readers, I say to you with a large grin on my face, how do you know these strategies won’t work? Maybe it will. Maybe you are the kind of person who always knocks things before you give them a fair and intelligent assessment.
Did you know that even now as you read this post there are people around the world using these same skills for sales, marketing, even seduction?
Well, I gotta tell you in the right context, in a way that wasn’t obviously manipulative, and with a persuasion artist who knows what he’s doing it can and will work. In fact, if you live in America it most likely already has worked on you through the media.
Even you don’t see yourself using these strategies of persuasion I would encourage you to at least learn the basics of persuasion so you will be aware of when it is being used you are being used on you in a negative way.
Once I learned these strategies I felt like Neo the first time he saw The Matrix. I was able to hear them all over the radio and in TV commercials; I could hear people who don’t study the art of persuasion using them unconsciously. Believe it or not, some people talk like this without ever reading one book on covert persuasion, we call them naturals.
I even heard one of the 2008 presidential hopefuls using one of these patterns! Trust me it, she is NO natural. LOL, and it doesn’t seem to be helping her too much in the primaries.
Bragging-Right 2008 by Bill Alexander
I will also say that I have full license to brag about all of these techniques, because none of them were invented by me. As a Persuasion Artist I paint the picture, but I didn’t invent paint. This article is not me speaking it is the ideas of from the results of decades of trials by hypnotists, therapists, NLP practitioners marketers, psychologist, masters of the mind and persuasion geniuses.
So when you really think about these covert persuasion strategies, you will naturally realize it’s not Bill Alexander speaking but the voice of wisdom, experience, and truth speaking through Bill Alexander.
Stacking stories is telling a story inside of another story, inside of another story so that the conscious mind can’t keep up with what is going on and goes into a light trance. Notice the way my article How to Combine Hypnosis with Stories for Covert Persuasion DYNAMITE is written for an example of this, as well as how to use hypnotic language with story telling as well.
Sub-Modalities:
This is an advanced strategy that I have not used yet, but would love to learn. Richard Bandler the co-founder of NLP discovered that people place different beliefs in different places in their mind.
For example, when you think of something that you believe is absolutely true you and you imagine it, you might see that image directly in front of you. When you think of something you wouldn’t like to do you really don’t want to do, you might see the image of it in the lower left corner of the screen of your imagination.
The neat thing for persuasion artists, is that we can use this by eliciting where they place in their imagination things that feel good, or things they take immediate action on and use language and or physical gestures to place ourselves or our product in that place. Or we could elicit from them where they put things that used to me true but no longer is true, and place our competition there.
I know this is heavy, so here is a video if Kenrick Cleveland displaying persuasion with sub-modalities.
Embedded Commands:
Embedded commands are commands hidden in a sentence and are marked out by a change in voice tone or physical movement and meant to deliver those commands to the unconscious mind without the awareness of the conscious mind.
Example:
What would it be like to get really excited about learning persuasion skills?
I’m curious as to whether you begin to feel curious about these covert persuasion skills to the point where you feel compelled to use them.
I wonder how quickly you’ll feel the anticipation to persuade and influence others where ever and whenever you want.
Values Hierarchy:
Elicit their values in a company, product, relationship, opportunity etc. Then ranking them in order of importance, and then stating them back to them in order of the least important to the most important, and as you use a tone that amplifies that feeling they get from the value it will intensify the feelings. Then you will link those intense feelings to yourself or your product using binder commands and or physical gestures. (see binder commands below)
Anchoring:
Anchoring is one of the easiest and most profound strategies of covert hypnosis. In essence you are creating an emotional button for a person, that you can push any time you want them to feel a certain way. You elicit a state, and then you link or anchor that state to a specific gesture, sound, or object.
An example would be using good tonality say “think of a time you self really relaxed, what was that like?” then as you see them going to the state make a unique hand gesture. Now every time you want them to feel relaxed you make that unique hand gesture.
This one you have to try to believe, but trust me it really works, and it is so easy you can probably do it today. You might not even realize it but when you say something that elicits a negative response from someone, or offends them, or breaks rapport etc. that person is going to unconsciously associate that emotion to you.
When you state something that gets a negative response from a person you can detach that negative response by physically moving your body from where you were sitting or standing.
An advanced strategy I am experimenting with is after I move from that spot I will point to it whenever I talk about my competitor.
A conventional persuasion strategy is to use the painting of a beautiful picture of what you want your prospect or client to experience with your product as bait, in such a way they are compelled to bite on the bait and take action. This works because people generally will not take action on what you want them to do unless they can clearly see what the outcome will look like for them.
Persuasion Artists take this strategy a step further. We use what hypnotists and NLP practitioners call time distortion. Time distortion is placing a subject mentally in the future where they are enjoying the decision they made and looking back on the interaction with you being the catalyst for it all.
In persuasion we do this by getting subjects to imagine that same bright future and then leverage that even more powerfully by making their self from the future look back on the image of us interacting as if it were the past and that working together, buying X product, or having X experience was what caused it all.
This works wonderfully because A. It elicits a light trance state for suggestions embedded commands to go into the unconscious without resistance B. It presupposes that they are going to love what you want them to do. and C. People do not resist a decision they have already made.
“Imagine a time in the future, and looking back on this moment having been the start of it all.”
Binder Commands:
This type of command works exactly in the same way embedded commands work, except they are used to link an emotional state to a specific person, thing, or an action.
Like me, to me, do it, now, with me, experience that, taking place now etc. are examples of binder commands
The other day I was talking with my friend Brenda and she was telling me a story about her girlfriend named Shelly, and she said “Isn’t it interesting when you are meeting someone for the first time and you suddenly reach that point in the conversation where something inside you just naturally clicks, it’s like a part of you can begins to realize that you really want to spend time with this person, while another part of you can look forward to moments where you’re laughing, and good times you’ll be having together. And underneath all of that you are just having fun and this causes you to begin feeling really good. With me it’s a little different, I really have to get to know a person first and then feel really and comfortable around them.
Tonality:
This is a simple, but vital part of the persuasion process. In order to be effective at persuasion, your tonality must match the state you are working to elicit. I call this congruence; I wrote a whole article on congruence called Beyond Covert Hypnosis: The Hypnotic Power of Congruence
Also, dropping your tonality to mark out certain words or phrases in your speech to bypass the conscious and send messages (embedded commands) directly into the unconscious mind of the subject or client. In the following example I put the embedded commands in bold:
“Notice this SIGN of quality. And you know we are offering you a good deal, if you HEAR what I am saying.”
Naturally the words Sign and Here would be where you drop your tonality. Obviously making SIGN HERE the embedded command.
This is finding out the unique behavior that this individual need to experience in order to take action. In sales I call this eliciting a buying strategy. You could ask questions like:
“Out of curiosity, have you purchased a product like this before?… and just so we are on the same page, how did that work or how did you know it was the right product for you?”
Then they might respond by saying, “oh, fist we did a little research online but that was frustrating, so we went to a few stores and heard the salesman’s spiels at different stores, all the prices were about the same, so we just bought from the salesman we liked the most. The product we chose seemed to fit our needs the most, and seemed like a good value, and it just felt right”
Now, what I do here is I cater my presentation to what I quickly gathered from them by eliciting their buying strategy.
In the example above I know that research online was frustrating so they might not be interested in detailed technical specs features, so I will make that part of the presentation as short and sweet as possible.
They shopped around so they obviously are price conscious, so I would do everything needed to convince them that we have fair pricing.
I would also get rapport the best I can because they seem to buy from people they like.
And finally I would use every covert persuasion strategy I have to elicit a state of a gut feeling that is just right.
Mirroring:
Matching externally the subjects vocal attributes, breathing, posture, physical gestures, representational systems, etc. is a classic way to gain rapport with people. You can also match values, by eliciting those values and simply agreeing with those qualities. See my article on rapport for more on this. See my popular article 8 Covert Methods to Instant Rapport and Charisma with Anyone Fast for some advanced matching strategies.
Presuppositions:
A presupposition is a statement or question that presupposes something or things have to be true in order for a statement to make sense. Combine presuppositions together for maximum effect, but only utilize when you are in rapport and have already elicited a light trance state, otherwise they will either overwhelm a person or you will just piss em off.
Example: “After we have talked about this opportunity and you find yourself completely compelled to buy, I wonder how easily you will find yourself imagining how good it will feel to work with us.”
Stating what someone else said and using that to create a state in a person, is one of my favorite tools because it allows you to say things that you might not be able to say directly. This works very smoothly because you are not saying the commands yourself, it is what someone else said, and therefore it generally is received with less resistance.
And even if it doesn’t get your outcome, you have separated yourself from it in advance. I personally have experienced my results with embedded commands go through the roof as soon as I hid my commands in quotes.
Example1: “The other day I was talking to another client of mine and she said right before she decided that this was right for her, she likes to just stop for a moment, and go inside and imagine just how good it’s going to feel to experience a product like this.”
Example2:The other day I was talking to my best friend John and he said, “Isn’t it interesting how a part of you can come to the conclusion that you really want this, while another part of you can begin to get excited about all benefits an experience like this provides.”
Creating Parts:
Have you ever heard someone say “Part of me wants this, while another part of me wants this” or “Part of me wants to go on a diet, while another part of me wants to just go home and watch TV.” This ambivalence is because people are running into their unconscious habit patterns. The conscious mind wants one thing while the unconscious mind wants another. You can use this psychological pattern to over come objections.
Get past objections by saying “I know a part of you wants to shop price, but I know that there also is a part of you that does want to buy this now. Because that part has heard everything were are talking about today and knows the value of what you are getting from us.” I then would build up praise and support that part to the point where the objection has no ground anymore.
Double Binds:
Double binds are giving someone two decisions but both decisions lead them to what you want them to experience. This illusion of choice is heard in the mouths of car salesmen across the country as they attempt to close their customers. “Would you like to buy now or should I just get started on the paperwork?” *sigh* please, don’t employ this direct and manipulative method it just annoys people.
Instead I use double binds to lead people into different emotional states, and I use it as indirectly as possible so that I don’t get any resistance.
I don’t know whether you are beginning to feel excited about this opportunity, or just feeling really good about or company, but either way etc…etc…etc.
Comparison Patterns:
The strategy here is to compare two similar but different sates (one of which is the state you want them to go in) and then you use describe that state and amplify it with embedded commands, language patterns, and presuppositions, etc.
“The other day my friend was talking about the difference between liking a product and loving a product, and he said…”
“Have you ever though about the difference between will and willingness, see a lot of people think they are the same thing but actually…
“Have you ever thought about the difference between anticipation and compulsion? ”
The art of pacing and leading is stacking truisms and then strategically throwing in suggestions to take them in a new direction. It’s pretty slick. You do this by stating undeniable truths a person cannot argue with in their internal or external environment. Then lead by adding a new idea or action you want them to take. Read my article Covert Persuasion Tip: Using pacing and leading to persuadefor more on this.
Softeners:
Some of the criteria and elicitation questions in covert persuasion can seem like strange questions when said the wrong way. If you are in car sales and you ask a prospect “what is important to you about a car?” in the same tone you ask what color car are you looking for? people will look at you funny.
If you are on a date and you ask “where exactly in your mind you do see us having a great time together” in the same tone you ask where are you from, it will probably be your last date.
Part of what helps this is having good calibration, which comes in time as you develop your persuasion instinct.
It is super easy to ask these questions when you use softeners. Before asking an elicitation question soften the question by tagging phrases in front of the question things like, “I am curios… I am wondering… just so we are on the same page… or I like to understand people I work with so just so we are clear…”
Tag Questions:
I was reading an article about an NLP trainer named Jaime who was telling a story of two girls from London arguing. She said that most of the girl’s sentences ended with the word “innit?” Now, being American to me “innit” sounds like a funny way to butcher the phrase isn’t it, but the NLP trainer recognized something profound underneath the language.
You see, “innit” is an abbreviation of “isn’t it”, & putting “isn’t it” on the end of a sentence makes the sentence difficult to disagree with, doesn’t it.
“Isn’t it” is an example of a tag question, & using tag questions is a great way of making it easier for people to agree with you &, after all, you want people to agree with you, don’t you. This seems to have something to do with the fact that you introduce a negative into the situation, & negatives get processed differently neurologically than linguistically (“isn’t it” is an abbreviation of “is it not”, which is a particularly cool / weird sounding tag question, is it not?.) -Jaime Smart
What I do is say tag questions in a commanding tone instead of like a question; I also nod my head which is a non-verbal cue for agreement.
Embedded Tag Questions:
Combine the power of tag questions and embedded commands and you have embedded tag questions.
Example: Don’t worry if these persuasion strategies sound strange or confusing, or even weird. Even if a few of these persuasion strategies seem a bit advanced that’s okay, because the more you read this blog the more it just makes sense. Doesn’t it feel good to have a resource like this to quickly and easily learn these persuasion strategies?
This was a great article wasn’t it?
What Are Your Thoughts Guys? I’m All Ears. Leave a Comment and Share Your Perspective.
You want to be more persuasive, that’s probably why you are on this blog. Perhaps because you want to increase your sales and income or because you want to win friends and influence people, or perhaps you want to present yourself in a more attractive way to the opposite sex.
Thinking about the objectives you have, and thinking about using persuasion and influence skills to obtain those objectives, eventually leads you to learning rapport strategies. Because unless you have rapport with people you are trying to influence, you might as well throw any other persuasion, covert hypnosis, or influence skill out the window.
You probably have heard about matching and mirroring, and maybe some other NLP based rapport techniques. I am going to share with you 8 advanced and powerful rapport strategies that you probably haven’t heard of before.
As powerful as these rapport strategies are, they are not silver bullets. These methods will work best depending on the situation you are in, because all situations are unique. However, you will notice the more you use them the more people will find themselves drawn to you and you will become extremely persuasive and irresistibly charismatic.
1. Match the Other Persons Breathing.
When done properly matching and mirroring a persons physical gestures is effective at gaining rapport. What I have found is when it comes to mirroring, the more unconscious the gesture is, i.e. the more it is out of the persons conscious awareness, the more it has an impact on rapport. This is why mirroring someone breathing is so effective, in normal conversation people don’t think about their breathing.
When I first heard this method it sounded really hard, how do you notice the rhythm of someone’s breathing without staring at the person’s chest?
Especially with females this seems like it would be a problem.
Here’s what you do, when people are speaking they are breathing out, so when they stop speaking most of the time they are breathing in. To match their breathing, breathe out when they are speaking and breathe in when they stop talking.
2. Mirror Facial Expressions
This is one of the easiest ways to match someone because unless you are being really ridiculously obvious, there is no way to get caught. Simply because the only way they can see what facial expression they are giving is you have a mirror up against their face.
P.S. This is also one of the best ways to test for rapport too. If you want to see if you have rapport with someone make a slight change in your face, I squint when I am stressing a point, and see if they follow by making the same face. You will be amazed at this, believe me it works – really good.
3. State Truisms in Their Reality
If you state something that is obviously true, their unconscious mind will recognize you as a truthful person and you will gain rapport. You want to say things that they cannot contest; this will get them into an agreeable state of mind. Truisms typically can be anything that is observable in the current environment. For example:
“We’re here and we are obviously looking at this type of product.” or “I noticed you were over here standing by this product on and earlier you were looking at the product over there” or “We have a lot of customers in here today” or “You look like you are pressed for time”
If you are good at calibrating you might even be able to state a truism about what they are thinking.
For example when your prospect hears the price, and their eyes get big, and they take a step back, and it’s obvious they have a concern about price. You can say, “The other day I had a client who asked me about the prices and he said at fist he thought our price seemed to be more than he expected…”
4. Use Hypnotic Language Patterns to Increase Rapport
This is a more advanced strategy, and I will recommend some practice alone before application in the real world. I would only use it if you already have at least a little rapport, and then stack it in to the over all method to dramatically increase rapport.
“As we are talking today naturally we will begin to open up to each other, the more we talk you are going to notice how much more connected we become, you may or may not be aware that underneath those questions is the desire to connect with a person, or it’s not important to feel that connection now, only that you feel it as naturally and easily as you find reasons to feel connected, don’t you agree.
Language patterns are great because they presuppose you already have or quickly will be in rapport, and it is very difficult people to resist things that are inevitable For more on how to use and create your own language patterns see my article How to create your own Covert Hypnotic Language Patterns.
5. Use Descriptive Language to Increase Rapport
Some persuasion gurus say this works like magic, others say it’s as useful as having an ear on your elbow. I say ANYTHING can be appropriate under the right circumstances. Why thrown out a tool all together.
Descriptive language is effective, because it entails trance phrases, a little story telling, stating truisms, as well as hypnotic language patterns:
“Have you ever met someone first time, and you just found yourself feeling really connected to them. Maybe because you just feel it in your gut or maybe because they say something that really just resonates with you just can’t explain it, but for whatever reason you naturally find yourself just being drawn it this person, almost to the point where it seemed like the rest of the world just disappears, and time stands still, and all you feel all you experience is the power and the warmth of that connection?”
I realize this might sound funny in your head as you are reading it, this is an extreme example for sake of stressing the point of how to apply this. Anytime you describe an unconscious process the person will feel at least a little of that process, if you tonality is congruent and it makes sense to bring up conversationally.
Everyone has a unique nonverbal hello. It could be the way you nod your head, the way you smile when you greet people, or even a unique eye movement.
The rapport strategy here is to greet a person without giving them your unconscious hello, and when they give you theirs you immediately mirror it back at them.
Sounds simple right?
I gotta tell ya of all the strategies I am sharing with you about rapport in this post, the unconscious hello, if one of my favorites and in my experience it has also been one of the most powerful.
As simple as it sounds this one has been difficult for me personally to master. It requires focus and excellent calibration skills. But when I do it correctly with clients and people I meet socially it works better than many of the other rapport strategies combined!
It creates such instant and powerful rapport that the other strategies of rapport become unnecessary to use.
This technique is so complex it deserves it’s own post, and or video. In the mean while if you want to learn more about the unconscious hello search the archives in the NLP Connections Forum or go to a Kenrick Cleveland Max Persuasion seminar, he is the only one I know of who teaches this strategy.
7. Constructive Imaginary Experiences
A forewarning, this one gets a little woo woo. But as new-agey as it will sound, a lot of popular persuasion gurus have some type of method like this they teach. It works like this, as you are focusing on the person you want to gain rapport with, in your imagination see or feel some type of positive imaginary experience associated with them.
Kenrick Cleveland in his Max Persuasion course offers the experience of imagining a beam of light shooting into their eyes that works to connect you together. Tom and Kim of essential skills.com use a golden bubble of light surrounding the other person that opens the door way to rapport
I know this can sound like a bunch esoteric B.S., but I think there is a practical “planet earth” explanation for it.
One of the fundamental principles of NLP is that anyone can do anything if they are in the right mental and emotional state.
I think constructing imaginary experiences like this work because they change your internal state. When you are focusing, getting the deal, how you look, or wondering if they like you are in a state that hinders rapport. When you imagine surrounding someone with warm positive energy you are focusing on rapport and connection and most importantly THEM.
I think people can sense when you are looking at them as a piece of meat or a walking dollar. People can also sense when you care. It’s all in your state.
Some people try to explain this method by getting into chi, energy, psychic influence, and all other sorts of pseudo scientific reasons as to why this method is so effective. I would rather not get into that. I just care about results and I am sure you do to. Try is, if it works you have another tool to gain rapport.
8. Anchoring to Gain Rapport
In NLP, they call this high jacking anchors. Go watch Tony Robbins live or on DVD and you will see an example of the world most notorious anchor high jacker. He will be speaking, and he’ll go off on a motivational tangent and he’ll mention something about Buddha or Jesus Christ. Watch what he does with his hands. Whenever he says Jesus, or Buddah or any other person from history that he knows has a huge impact on many people, he will point to himself.
Now, this works for Tony because he is already in a frame where he is a powerful leader and teacher and he is saying it while surrounded my hundreds of people. So it’s not that big of a stretch for him.
I wouldn’t go around to people on the street and saying JESUS! while pointing to your chest, you’ll probably look like you escaped from a mental institution.
Here is how you can use it in the real world. Say you are meeting some one for the first time and you want to gain rapport you could say “I had such a great day the other day I went fishing with my best buddy Mike… Ya know, what it’s like when you are with your best friend (gesture to yourself) it’s really a nice way to spend your day off”
What do you think? Do you Have a Question About Any of These Rapport Strategies? Would You Like to Share How You Would Use The Rapport Strategies? If So Please Leave a Comment in the comment Box Below- Thanks for Reading My Article! -Bill
“This is a game of show and tell, you’re telling me nothing, but you’re showing me everything!” – Christopher Walken, True Romance
FACT: Only 7% of communication is verbal communication.
Just stumbled upon a very interesting article in human psychology I wanted to share. Titled How to Detect Lies, Become a Lie Detector. You have heard me talk about calibration, sensory acuity, being one of the key skills of a persuasion artist, because so much of persuasion is collecting data about an individual so you know how to persuade an individual.
Signs of deception in this article include:
What type of facial expressions, and gestures people make when they are lying? Timing of speech that indicates lying. Different types of emotional reactions that let you know when someone is lying. Also, how someone who is telling the truth changes the subject and how a liar changes the subject.
This is case study 7 of The Great Rapport Experiment of 2008: Matching and Mirroring Edition. This is an experiment in persuasion to see what methods of influence work best in the real world. These are all true stories and all subjects are real.
Something unexpected happened in this case study, and I learned a new insight about the effect of mirroring someone you already have rapport with.
Normally when a new customer walks in the door, they don’t know me and naturally there is no rapport at first glance, I need to warm em up.
That was not the case in this unique case study. A nice young lady walked in the door that I had already met because her mother had purchased something from me many months ago. Because of this we had a little bit of rapport from the get-go as she remembered me.
Of course, I began matching and mirroring her movements.
The rapport shot through the roof!
The experience reminded me those movies where there is a scene between a man and woman and there is the tension of attraction as they finish each others words, because there is an obvious connection going on?
A good example for this is in that old Brad Pitt movie Meet Joe Black There is a scene in the film where he meets his female interest in a coffee shop, and there is a really strong and obvious connection and attraction underneath every word they are saying. Then you see them both pick up the sugar at the same time, then immediately after that they pour their cream in at the exact same time, and then they both pick up their spoon at the exact same time.
As I have said before, mirroring happens naturally all the time when too people connect.
It is also important to know that mirroring and matching of connections like this are the effect of rapport not the cause of rapport. The phenomena of someone moving like you do unconsciously is pretty neat if you think about it; but that’s not as important as the connection and trust that is occurring underneath all of that with allows you to influence someone.
Well meeting with this client was like that minus the romantic part. The rapport went through the roof, we were laughing together, and we chatted long after the sale was closed. The most interesting part was that I intuitively knew what she was going to say at times before she said it.
It was a little eerie, I don’t want to say it was like a psychic connection, but I was really aware of her state, such that it felt like it was my state.
Case Study 7 Insight:
Supports idea that when you already have rapport matching and or mirroring accelerates rapport. I believe that mirroring is the effect of deep rapport rather than the cause of it.
Here is the clip from Meet Joe Black where we see a great example of people naturally matching and mirroring each other, as the effect of rapport and connection:
As a result of being in sales for so long I can read body language well. Often I can look at a person and size em up quite well.
Subject comes in, a young guy mid twenties. Looks like a salesman of some type. Most salespeople can always sniff out other salespeople. I’m suspicious he’s a competitor, spying on me on his lunch break.
NOTE: In sales, the people who are hardest to persuade are the ones who have some type of hidden agenda. That agenda can be as simple as they really aren’t meeting with you to buy, instead they buying their friend and they want to be sure their friend is giving them a good deal or this agenda can be as complex as it’s really someone from your competition spying.
These type of people have a wall up, and it takes a stronger strategy to gain rapport of they just aren’t worth the time.
Even though I knew this guy was a joke, I still proceeded with the experiment.
I started mirroring the way he was standing. He point his feet outward, so I pointed my feet outward. Then he has one hand in a pocket, I did the same. I did use the strategy I used from the last case study, of before I match exactly his stance, I maker a small distracting movement then match his so I don’t get caught.
I haven’t discussed this part of rapport yet, but it’s important to know that rapport alone is not persuasion.
Getting rapport is the first step and then you use that rapport to direct and lead the subject. One way to test for this is once you have paced for a while, you test by making a new unique body movement and see if the match you. That’s a sign of rapport.
I didn’t think I had rapport but what surprised me the most was that he began following me, and started matching my body movements!?
So I then started throwing in some commands and suggestions.
He was a little tense in his shoulders, and I told him it’s okay to relax and get comfortable, even really comfortable.
He said “yeah”, and dropped his shoulders and relaxed.
That’s all really cool for sake of practicing covert hypnosis, but there was no use he wasn’t a buyer. I could tell as soon as he walked in.
This is case study 4 and 5 of The Great Rapport Experiment of 2008: Matching and Mirroring Edition. This is an experiment in persuasion to see what methods of influence work best in the real world. These are all true stories and all subjects are real.
The concept of matching and mirroring is not a new breakthrough in persuasion; it’s been around since the seventies. Because it’s been around so long, matching and mirroring is common knowledge amongst many sales people, and business people. I have met furniture salesmen, realtors, even actors who never even have heard of NLP or the term covert hypnosis yet they know about matching and mirroring.
Because of this, it is rare, but possible to get caught.
Here are some tips to prevent getting caught.
This subject in this case study was a business man in fact he was making business deals and was focused on an important business call as he was shopping around
I did notice that as I tried to mirror him, by crossing my arms and crossing my legs, which he immediately shifted his position as if he knew what I was doing.
This all happened very quickly, and he may have reacted unconsciously, but the bottom line is this method lost it’s effect obviously in this situation either because he knew what I was doing or he just felt it was strange.
I can critique myself and say that I may have looked too much at the area I was matching. Knocking myself in the head, because this should be obvious but it is easy to forget THEY CAN SEE WHERE YOUR EYES GO!
Case Study 4 lesson:
Don’t obvious look at the area you are matching or mirroring.
If they fold their arms, don’t look at their arms and then fold yours, you will seem creepy and weird. Use your sensory acuity, which means use your peripheral vision to see what they are doing without directly looking at their movements.
Rapport Case Study 5:
The Subject in this case study was in my opinion an obviously unqualified prospect, lady came in asking about something our company doesn’t even provide. Normally I wouldn’t waist my time with her but, for the sake of the rapport experiment, I said screw it and began matching the way she was standing and I noticed something.
No breath taking results, but I did get some new insights on how not to get caught:
How to not get caught:
Move for a reason! People ALWAYS move for a reason, whether unconscious or a conscious reason, the movement is usually a refection of some internal state or thought shift. If you fold your arms for seemingly no reason AT ALL (except because you are trying to create rapport), people will pick up on this and then you are mentally projecting phoniness and lack of congruity, and it will just seem weird.
Instead make it seem like you are moving for a reason. You can do this by making another small gesture that perhaps caused the next gesture which is the matching you are doing.
Any slight movement to distract them from your mirroring them would do the trick.
If she folds her arms and then you fold yours right away for what seems to be no reason it will seem strange. If she folds here arms and you roll up your sleeves and then fold your arms it will seem more natural.
Another example would be if she puts her hands on her hips, perhaps you could tuck in a bit of the excessive fabric from your shirt around your waistline, and then put your hands on your hips.
This is case study 3 of The Great Rapport Experiment of 2008: Matching and Mirroring Edition. This is an experiment in persuasion to see what methods of influence work best in the real world. These are all true stories and all subjects are real.
Young hip guy with a really strong frame comes in my store. He comes in trying to lead me around the store right away. The only strategy used was matching, and it didn’t seem to get me into rapport with him. I matched the way he held his hands and the way he sat. There was no anti-rapport, it was not that he didn’t like me; we just were not in rapport.
You can tell when you are not in rapport when someone talks to you resisting eye contact, or consistently turns their head or focus away from you, or if they move away from you as you move in closer, a lot of times they interrupt you when you are talking.
It is cases like this that will fuel the conclusion that matching and mirroring is simply not enough. This is where being flexible in your abilities and your approach come in, not everyone can be persuaded the same way, you can’t get rapport with everyone the same way.
Case Study 3 Results:
No rapport in response to matching and mirroring, at least not a high enough level to effectively persuade. He said he would think about my offer and come back. What I believe would have been helpful in this case would have been if I matched his laid back “hip” rhythm.
This is case study 2 of The Great Rapport Experiment of 2008:Matching and Mirroring Edition. This is an experiment in persuasion to see what methods of influence work best in the real world. These are all true stories and all subjects are real.
This was an interesting case study, I have to say, but I did cheat and use another technique, I know the rules of the experiment were to use only matching and mirroring as a means to get rapport so to have a fair study on the effectiveness of matching and mirroring.
A man came in with his daughter. One of the first things he told me was he was not going to buy, which is always interesting when someone says that before they even see their offer.
Anyway, what was unique this time was I did something I never did before. Not only did I match his body movements, specifically the way he was sitting with his legs crossed. But he did have a small piece of paper in his hands that he was carrying in his right hand, and he was waiving it around as he spoke.
So what I did was go to my desk and pick up a brochure and put it in my same hand, interestingly enough he never asked why I got that or what it was for, I just carried it in my right hand as he did and waived it around when I spoke too.
How I Cheated:
One of the constraints of The Great Rapport Experiment of 2008 was I had to use only matching and mirroring by means of getting rapport. In this case study cheated by matching his Middle Eastern accent a tad too.
I don’t know if it was the matching the movements or matching the voice, or it was the bold move of having random paper in my hand.
But this guy fell in love with me.
We had rapport, he was telling me his life story, and we were laughing like old friends. I thought the guy as going to offer me his daughter.
He said he was just looking and wasn’t going to buy, but he ended up placing two orders. Then he went across the street to buy me some coffee!!!
I’ll try not to cheat next time guys
Case Study 2 Results:
Strong rapport achieved through matching and mirroring. I probably shouldn’t count this one because I cheated my adding my sneaky accent matching (which I am really good at by the way) but I will include this in the study because I came up with the mirroring the item held in his hands.
This is case study 1 of The Great Rapport Experiment of 2008: Matching and Mirroring Edition. This is an experiment in persuasion to see what methods of influence work best in the real world. These are all true stories and all subjects are real.
I remember reading in an NLP book from long ago that if there are two people who do you match, the dominant one, the one who is in charge of the two. It sometimes is the male, sometimes it is the women, and it can vary depending on the purchase.
In this case, the gentleman was the one leading the conversation and his wife was quieter and obviously looked to him for direction, so I matched him. I began matching his movements. I was sitting like he was, and placing my hands in the same way as he was. It was interesting because as I matched him, I did notice feel the rapport and the trust increase. He began to warm up to me, and we laughed together, we talked about things other than my product.
Quick Side-Note: In sales if you have to bring something up off topic because you are trying to make conversation, like “so, how about them Lakers?” or “what’s up with this weather huh?” it usually comes off as trite, insincere, and you will also look like you ran out of things to say. But more importantly, you don’t have rapport and making small talk is a poor method to attain rapport.
But when the person you are trying to persuade brings something up that is off topic then you have rapport, they just want to chat with you means they like you.
The really interesting thing was that as I matched the gentlemen and the rapport with us increased, I noticed his wife adjust her movements and rhythms to match ours. By that time, we were all in rapport, interesting.
Rapport Case Study 1 Results:
Rapport was created through what would appear to be matching and mirroring. The technique of creating rapport with two people by matching the dominant person in the relationship, would appear based on this case study to be worthy of further investigating and experimentation.
Update a Week Later, Client Returns:
At the end of the presentation, these clients said they would come back within a week, with the person they were shopping for.
Naturally whenever someone says that it could be B.S. but I let them go.
They did come back, just as they said they would, and they placed an order. The really interesting thing is that I did not intentionally match or mirror him this time because I already had the rapport, that I noticed that as we interacted, I looked down and we were matching each other!
It has been said that when you are in rapport with someone you naturally match and or mirror each other, this case study would support that claim. Next time you are with your best friend or someone you love notice your movements and see if you are moving and gesturing as that person does.
The New Year is a good time to start new goals and new experiments. This year I will be doing a series of persuasion and covert hypnosis related experiments, and publish them here for all of us to learn from.
What better topic to start with than rapport?
Rapport is one of the most important ingredients in the persuasion recipe. And it is what you need to get first in order to go onto the other sneaky hypnosis stuff.
Get rapport or get out.
So we kick off the New Year with what I will call “The Great Rapport Experiment of 2008″.
I am going to experiment with one of the classic NLP strategies that you probably already know of.
She Approached Him!?
I was in Las Vegas two years ago at persuasion seminar. Some of the seminar attendees and I were in the main lobby of The Luxor Hotel having a few drinks, and across the room was a lovely woman socializing with her friends. One of the attendees Mark, a less than strikingly handsome, gentleman from Canada was sitting chatting with us. When all of a sudden the women walked across the room and began to chat up Mark.
As Mark’s new female friend went to buy him a drink, Mark gave me that sneaky wink that most persuasion artists give each other to let their colleagues know they are using a persuasion strategy.
Naturally, I was dying to know what the hell he did to get a beautiful stranger to walk across the room and introduce herself!
He said matching and mirroring.
I heard stories like this and my bull sh*t detector goes haywire, but witnessing the results did silence my B.S. detector a bit.
I’m still skeptical though, so this months experiment is going to be on matching and mirroring.
You probably already know that matching and mirroring is mimicking the breathing, posture, movement and speech tempo of the person you are persuading. The theory behind it is that, when the unconscious mind sees that you are moving like them that you are “like them” and can be trusted. This “likeness” can create a trust and bond that will open the doors for effective persuasion.
Matching and mirroring is my least favorite rapport building strategy because in the past it seemed, to me, to be the least consistent of the rapport gaining strategies. On top of that, it seems to take longer to gain rapport Since I read a basic NLP book years ago there have been a lot of developments that have lead to some advanced methods that I have found to be more effective. (Don’t worry I’ll do an experiment on those too eventually)
I know some persuasion teachers, like Tom and Kim of essential skills, have thrown matching and mirroring out of their persuasion model completely. Tom always tells the story:
“Somebody gave some professor $200,000 to walk around and mirror people. For $200,000 this is what they found out. If you are already in rapport with someone mirroring increased that rapport slightly. If you did not have rapport with someone, mirroring irritated them.” –Tom Vizzini Essential Skills
On the other hand you have Kenrick Cleveland, who many people in the NLP, covert hypnosis, and persuasion community refer to as “better than Bandler” Kenrick swears by matching an mirroring. If you attend one of his seminars you will hear him say “when they move, you move” at least a dozen times.
Here’s The Deal:
I am going to get to the bottom of the great matching and mirroring debate myself and experiment with matching and mirroring.
I am going to try to get rapport with people 100 different people in business/ sales and social settings using matching and mirroring alone. Experiments produce best results in a sterile environment, so I will not use any other rapport strategies while I am testing matching and mirroring.
I will publish the type of setting, the type of subject, the results (or lack of results) as well as any new insights I learned. At the end we will have 100 different experiments, and that should give an excellent resource whether or not you want to use matching and mirroring in your persuasion artist repertoire.
Hello, my name is Bill "Persuasion Artist" Alexander. I am an avid student of persuasion and Influence.
I have a strong fascination for the mind, and I am passionate about the words, actions, and energies that influence the minds of others.
This is a blog of my insights on capturing and leading the imaginations of others using psychology, hypnosis, NLP, suggestion, and subconscious communication. I’ve been called a genius and I’ve been called dangerous.
All powerful forces can be used for good or evil. I encourage my readers to use these strategies for good and not in a harmful and manipulative way. Please see my Warning for more on ethics and persuasion.
Keep an open mind, feel free to ask me anything, I respond to all comments quickly, and I encourage and welcome intelligent discussion and debate. The content here is all free, so enjoy.
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photo credit: Lafayette Hater
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