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You are going to want to bookmark this one guys. I have compiled a list here, in no particular order, some of my favorite NLP, covert persuasion, conversational hypnosis, and covert hypnosis strategies.
This is one of my best posts on this blog to date. Never have I crammed so many different persuasion strategies into one post. I sincerely hope enjoy these juicy persuasion tips.
These strategies will not make you a persuasion master that is able to spin words into gold overnight, but it will give you a firm idea of what the most powerful and potent covert persuasion strategies are built upon, as well as reveal the fundamentals of the art and science of persuasion.
These persuasion fundamentals will plant some healthy seeds of knowledge in your brain causing you to continue learning and practicing the art and science of persuasion in a way that gets you the results you desire.
Some of these strategies might seem as foreign as learning Algebra in Klingon, but you can relax in knowing that everyone who has gotten powerful positive results using this material has been there as well.
Whenever I write a post like this, where I lay out the hard-core covert persuasion strategies on the table, I get a lot of positive and negative feedback. So I will take a moment to address the haters.
A lot of you critics and naysayers read this type of post and think “oh, that wouldn’t work one me.” Or “I’m so smart; I’ll catch someone doing that”
To all my un-fans and anti-readers, I say to you with a large grin on my face, how do you know these strategies won’t work? Maybe it will. Maybe you are the kind of person who always knocks things before you give them a fair and intelligent assessment.
Did you know that even now as you read this post there are people around the world using these same skills for sales, marketing, even seduction?
Well, I gotta tell you in the right context, in a way that wasn’t obviously manipulative, and with a persuasion artist who knows what he’s doing it can and will work. In fact, if you live in America it most likely already has worked on you through the media.
Even you don’t see yourself using these strategies of persuasion I would encourage you to at least learn the basics of persuasion so you will be aware of when it is being used you are being used on you in a negative way.
Once I learned these strategies I felt like Neo the first time he saw The Matrix. I was able to hear them all over the radio and in TV commercials; I could hear people who don’t study the art of persuasion using them unconsciously. Believe it or not, some people talk like this without ever reading one book on covert persuasion, we call them naturals.
I even heard one of the 2008 presidential hopefuls using one of these patterns! Trust me it, she is NO natural. LOL, and it doesn’t seem to be helping her too much in the primaries.
Bragging-Right 2008 by Bill Alexander
I will also say that I have full license to brag about all of these techniques, because none of them were invented by me. As a Persuasion Artist I paint the picture, but I didn’t invent paint. This article is not me speaking it is the ideas of from the results of decades of trials by hypnotists, therapists, NLP practitioners marketers, psychologist, masters of the mind and persuasion geniuses.
So when you really think about these covert persuasion strategies, you will naturally realize it’s not Bill Alexander speaking but the voice of wisdom, experience, and truth speaking through Bill Alexander.
Stacking stories is telling a story inside of another story, inside of another story so that the conscious mind can’t keep up with what is going on and goes into a light trance. Notice the way my article How to Combine Hypnosis with Stories for Covert Persuasion DYNAMITE is written for an example of this, as well as how to use hypnotic language with story telling as well.
Sub-Modalities:
This is an advanced strategy that I have not used yet, but would love to learn. Richard Bandler the co-founder of NLP discovered that people place different beliefs in different places in their mind.
For example, when you think of something that you believe is absolutely true you and you imagine it, you might see that image directly in front of you. When you think of something you wouldn’t like to do you really don’t want to do, you might see the image of it in the lower left corner of the screen of your imagination.
The neat thing for persuasion artists, is that we can use this by eliciting where they place in their imagination things that feel good, or things they take immediate action on and use language and or physical gestures to place ourselves or our product in that place. Or we could elicit from them where they put things that used to me true but no longer is true, and place our competition there.
I know this is heavy, so here is a video if Kenrick Cleveland displaying persuasion with sub-modalities.
Embedded Commands:
Embedded commands are commands hidden in a sentence and are marked out by a change in voice tone or physical movement and meant to deliver those commands to the unconscious mind without the awareness of the conscious mind.
Example:
What would it be like to get really excited about learning persuasion skills?
I’m curious as to whether you begin to feel curious about these covert persuasion skills to the point where you feel compelled to use them.
I wonder how quickly you’ll feel the anticipation to persuade and influence others where ever and whenever you want.
Values Hierarchy:
Elicit their values in a company, product, relationship, opportunity etc. Then ranking them in order of importance, and then stating them back to them in order of the least important to the most important, and as you use a tone that amplifies that feeling they get from the value it will intensify the feelings. Then you will link those intense feelings to yourself or your product using binder commands and or physical gestures. (see binder commands below)
Anchoring:
Anchoring is one of the easiest and most profound strategies of covert hypnosis. In essence you are creating an emotional button for a person, that you can push any time you want them to feel a certain way. You elicit a state, and then you link or anchor that state to a specific gesture, sound, or object.
An example would be using good tonality say “think of a time you self really relaxed, what was that like?” then as you see them going to the state make a unique hand gesture. Now every time you want them to feel relaxed you make that unique hand gesture.
This one you have to try to believe, but trust me it really works, and it is so easy you can probably do it today. You might not even realize it but when you say something that elicits a negative response from someone, or offends them, or breaks rapport etc. that person is going to unconsciously associate that emotion to you.
When you state something that gets a negative response from a person you can detach that negative response by physically moving your body from where you were sitting or standing.
An advanced strategy I am experimenting with is after I move from that spot I will point to it whenever I talk about my competitor.
A conventional persuasion strategy is to use the painting of a beautiful picture of what you want your prospect or client to experience with your product as bait, in such a way they are compelled to bite on the bait and take action. This works because people generally will not take action on what you want them to do unless they can clearly see what the outcome will look like for them.
Persuasion Artists take this strategy a step further. We use what hypnotists and NLP practitioners call time distortion. Time distortion is placing a subject mentally in the future where they are enjoying the decision they made and looking back on the interaction with you being the catalyst for it all.
In persuasion we do this by getting subjects to imagine that same bright future and then leverage that even more powerfully by making their self from the future look back on the image of us interacting as if it were the past and that working together, buying X product, or having X experience was what caused it all.
This works wonderfully because A. It elicits a light trance state for suggestions embedded commands to go into the unconscious without resistance B. It presupposes that they are going to love what you want them to do. and C. People do not resist a decision they have already made.
“Imagine a time in the future, and looking back on this moment having been the start of it all.”
Binder Commands:
This type of command works exactly in the same way embedded commands work, except they are used to link an emotional state to a specific person, thing, or an action.
Like me, to me, do it, now, with me, experience that, taking place now etc. are examples of binder commands
The other day I was talking with my friend Brenda and she was telling me a story about her girlfriend named Shelly, and she said “Isn’t it interesting when you are meeting someone for the first time and you suddenly reach that point in the conversation where something inside you just naturally clicks, it’s like a part of you can begins to realize that you really want to spend time with this person, while another part of you can look forward to moments where you’re laughing, and good times you’ll be having together. And underneath all of that you are just having fun and this causes you to begin feeling really good. With me it’s a little different, I really have to get to know a person first and then feel really and comfortable around them.
Tonality:
This is a simple, but vital part of the persuasion process. In order to be effective at persuasion, your tonality must match the state you are working to elicit. I call this congruence; I wrote a whole article on congruence called Beyond Covert Hypnosis: The Hypnotic Power of Congruence
Also, dropping your tonality to mark out certain words or phrases in your speech to bypass the conscious and send messages (embedded commands) directly into the unconscious mind of the subject or client. In the following example I put the embedded commands in bold:
“Notice this SIGN of quality. And you know we are offering you a good deal, if you HEAR what I am saying.”
Naturally the words Sign and Here would be where you drop your tonality. Obviously making SIGN HERE the embedded command.
This is finding out the unique behavior that this individual need to experience in order to take action. In sales I call this eliciting a buying strategy. You could ask questions like:
“Out of curiosity, have you purchased a product like this before?… and just so we are on the same page, how did that work or how did you know it was the right product for you?”
Then they might respond by saying, “oh, fist we did a little research online but that was frustrating, so we went to a few stores and heard the salesman’s spiels at different stores, all the prices were about the same, so we just bought from the salesman we liked the most. The product we chose seemed to fit our needs the most, and seemed like a good value, and it just felt right”
Now, what I do here is I cater my presentation to what I quickly gathered from them by eliciting their buying strategy.
In the example above I know that research online was frustrating so they might not be interested in detailed technical specs features, so I will make that part of the presentation as short and sweet as possible.
They shopped around so they obviously are price conscious, so I would do everything needed to convince them that we have fair pricing.
I would also get rapport the best I can because they seem to buy from people they like.
And finally I would use every covert persuasion strategy I have to elicit a state of a gut feeling that is just right.
Mirroring:
Matching externally the subjects vocal attributes, breathing, posture, physical gestures, representational systems, etc. is a classic way to gain rapport with people. You can also match values, by eliciting those values and simply agreeing with those qualities. See my article on rapport for more on this. See my popular article 8 Covert Methods to Instant Rapport and Charisma with Anyone Fast for some advanced matching strategies.
Presuppositions:
A presupposition is a statement or question that presupposes something or things have to be true in order for a statement to make sense. Combine presuppositions together for maximum effect, but only utilize when you are in rapport and have already elicited a light trance state, otherwise they will either overwhelm a person or you will just piss em off.
Example: “After we have talked about this opportunity and you find yourself completely compelled to buy, I wonder how easily you will find yourself imagining how good it will feel to work with us.”
Stating what someone else said and using that to create a state in a person, is one of my favorite tools because it allows you to say things that you might not be able to say directly. This works very smoothly because you are not saying the commands yourself, it is what someone else said, and therefore it generally is received with less resistance.
And even if it doesn’t get your outcome, you have separated yourself from it in advance. I personally have experienced my results with embedded commands go through the roof as soon as I hid my commands in quotes.
Example1: “The other day I was talking to another client of mine and she said right before she decided that this was right for her, she likes to just stop for a moment, and go inside and imagine just how good it’s going to feel to experience a product like this.”
Example2:The other day I was talking to my best friend John and he said, “Isn’t it interesting how a part of you can come to the conclusion that you really want this, while another part of you can begin to get excited about all benefits an experience like this provides.”
Creating Parts:
Have you ever heard someone say “Part of me wants this, while another part of me wants this” or “Part of me wants to go on a diet, while another part of me wants to just go home and watch TV.” This ambivalence is because people are running into their unconscious habit patterns. The conscious mind wants one thing while the unconscious mind wants another. You can use this psychological pattern to over come objections.
Get past objections by saying “I know a part of you wants to shop price, but I know that there also is a part of you that does want to buy this now. Because that part has heard everything were are talking about today and knows the value of what you are getting from us.” I then would build up praise and support that part to the point where the objection has no ground anymore.
Double Binds:
Double binds are giving someone two decisions but both decisions lead them to what you want them to experience. This illusion of choice is heard in the mouths of car salesmen across the country as they attempt to close their customers. “Would you like to buy now or should I just get started on the paperwork?” *sigh* please, don’t employ this direct and manipulative method it just annoys people.
Instead I use double binds to lead people into different emotional states, and I use it as indirectly as possible so that I don’t get any resistance.
I don’t know whether you are beginning to feel excited about this opportunity, or just feeling really good about or company, but either way etc…etc…etc.
Comparison Patterns:
The strategy here is to compare two similar but different sates (one of which is the state you want them to go in) and then you use describe that state and amplify it with embedded commands, language patterns, and presuppositions, etc.
“The other day my friend was talking about the difference between liking a product and loving a product, and he said…”
“Have you ever though about the difference between will and willingness, see a lot of people think they are the same thing but actually…
“Have you ever thought about the difference between anticipation and compulsion? ”
The art of pacing and leading is stacking truisms and then strategically throwing in suggestions to take them in a new direction. It’s pretty slick. You do this by stating undeniable truths a person cannot argue with in their internal or external environment. Then lead by adding a new idea or action you want them to take. Read my article Covert Persuasion Tip: Using pacing and leading to persuadefor more on this.
Softeners:
Some of the criteria and elicitation questions in covert persuasion can seem like strange questions when said the wrong way. If you are in car sales and you ask a prospect “what is important to you about a car?” in the same tone you ask what color car are you looking for? people will look at you funny.
If you are on a date and you ask “where exactly in your mind you do see us having a great time together” in the same tone you ask where are you from, it will probably be your last date.
Part of what helps this is having good calibration, which comes in time as you develop your persuasion instinct.
It is super easy to ask these questions when you use softeners. Before asking an elicitation question soften the question by tagging phrases in front of the question things like, “I am curios… I am wondering… just so we are on the same page… or I like to understand people I work with so just so we are clear…”
Tag Questions:
I was reading an article about an NLP trainer named Jaime who was telling a story of two girls from London arguing. She said that most of the girl’s sentences ended with the word “innit?” Now, being American to me “innit” sounds like a funny way to butcher the phrase isn’t it, but the NLP trainer recognized something profound underneath the language.
You see, “innit” is an abbreviation of “isn’t it”, & putting “isn’t it” on the end of a sentence makes the sentence difficult to disagree with, doesn’t it.
“Isn’t it” is an example of a tag question, & using tag questions is a great way of making it easier for people to agree with you &, after all, you want people to agree with you, don’t you. This seems to have something to do with the fact that you introduce a negative into the situation, & negatives get processed differently neurologically than linguistically (“isn’t it” is an abbreviation of “is it not”, which is a particularly cool / weird sounding tag question, is it not?.) -Jaime Smart
What I do is say tag questions in a commanding tone instead of like a question; I also nod my head which is a non-verbal cue for agreement.
Embedded Tag Questions:
Combine the power of tag questions and embedded commands and you have embedded tag questions.
Example: Don’t worry if these persuasion strategies sound strange or confusing, or even weird. Even if a few of these persuasion strategies seem a bit advanced that’s okay, because the more you read this blog the more it just makes sense. Doesn’t it feel good to have a resource like this to quickly and easily learn these persuasion strategies?
This was a great article wasn’t it?
What Are Your Thoughts Guys? I’m All Ears. Leave a Comment and Share Your Perspective.
They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” -Carl W. Buechner
Many people want to learn how to use conversational covert hypnosis to be more effective in their persuasion. Don’t get me wrong, hypnotic language patterns are an important part of the covert persuasion process. However, I could give you list after list of hypnotic language patterns, and covert suggestions and commands, but if the hypnotic suggestion is not said in a way that really moves a person, it has no power.
It is not only hypnotist’s words but the way he delivers the words that capture and lead the minds of others.
I am going to give you a persuasion tip so valuable that if you learned only this one skill, you would be more persuasive and more influential than someone who knows all of the slickest hypnotic language patterns.
People are Moved by Congruence
A lot of people hear the word persuasion or covert hypnosis and their gut reaction is to associate it with doing and saying things that are sneaky and manipulative where hidden underneath your words is some malicious agenda.
To me, persuasion is all about the opposite of what most people perceive it to be. The greatest persuasion artist I have ever known was also the most honest.
I know it might sound hokey, but I firmly believe to be that top salesman, or charming and charismatic person you want to be socially, you must speak from a sincere heart. In persuasion what we call this authenticity is congruence.
In psychology and NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming), congruence could be defined as rapport within oneself, or internal and external consistency, perceived by others as sincerity or certainty. - Wikipedia
If you want to move, persuade and influence people you must speak with congruence. Congruence is when your words match your overall vibe.
When you persuade with congruence you radiate a confidence and conviction in yourself and your product that makes you irresistible to your prospects.
Fundamentally the key to being congruent is believing in yourself, and your product. Obviously, if you don’t believe in your product then you really shouldn’t be selling it.
There is another level of congruence that I would like to share and that is at the level of the hypnotic language patterns. As you study covert hypnosis you will realize that you are using precise language that speaks to people’s imagination and emotions.
Hypnotic language patterns are not magical words that if you say they will automatically put someone into a buying trance. The patterns must be used with skill and art in order to be effective.
I have heard some people say that they tried using language patterns, and they did not work, or they felt weird talking like that. In my experience if someone is struggling with language patterns in their persuasion, 90% of the time it’s because they are being incongruent.
Imagine a man using these language patterns to attract a women. Imagine him as a guy who has a wimpy high toned voice, his voice trembles with insecurity as he speaks, he also can’t make direct eye contact with a beautiful woman for more than half a second, and his knees are shaking with immense fear.
Now imagine him using the seductive and romantic lines of legendary lover of Don Juan DeMarco to attract the woman.
The girl would probably laugh in his face, as heobviously is trying to be someone he is not.Naturally he would sound incongruent.
He would be epitome incongruence.
Here is another example. The following phrase is a hypnotic language pattern called time distortion:
”Imagine a time in the future where you are successful working with our company, and looking back on this moment as having been the start of it all “
Now if you are using this pattern and you are genuinely excited for this person, because you have a legit solution you will naturally in your mind go into the future with them and your excitement will power the pattern and multiply the effects.
Obviously if you are in your head saying “I hope they like me” or “this is the 12 client I’ve met with today, just buy them damn thing already”, or “gee, I hope this sneaky covert hypnosis stuff I learn from Bill works” you are not being congruent.
How do you fuel your words with congruence?
Here is a Secret I Learned from Watching Actors about Congruence
Good actors are some of the world’s most powerful hypnotists. A good movie will make you go into a trance of laughter, attraction, fear etc. Think of a movie you really enjoyed, what were the strong emotions you felt, even though your conscious mind knows it’s all fake!
Now, good actors are not just reciting memorized lines and then thinking up a cool way to say the line. That would bore the heck out of the audience and themselves after the first few performances; some actors have to do plays hundreds of times.
How to they keep that emotion alive? How do they keep the audience engaged? Many of them use a strategy called theMeisner technique where they make themselves really feel the emotion from something they have personally lived.
If an actor’s character is in love, they think of a time when they were in love in their real world. If the actor is enraged, they think about what really would upset them. They do this in such a way that it doesn’t even become ‘acting’ in the pretending sense. They use their imagination in such a way that they are going through a real and powerful emotional state inside.
As a result they move the audience to those same powerful emotional states as well.
Creating Powerful Emotions Inside People’s Minds with Congruence
When you are using the hypnotic language patterns I would encourage you to use a similar strategy as actors to move people to powerful emotional states.
The persuasion mantra here is: You can’t lead anyone into an emotion unless you go there yourself first.
As you say the language pattern feel for yourself what you are describing and it will naturally lead them there as well.
If you are using a cause and effect language pattern to induce excitement in your prospect by saying, “speaking with me today about this opportunity causes excitement” think of a time when you were excited, feel your own excitement and speak the language pattern through that emotion.
After all people aren’t only buying your product; they are buying the feeing that your product will give them. Anyone in sales has heard the famous sales philosophy; people buy for emotional reasons.
When you get yourself emotional about what you are selling and allow yourself to feel the energy of the positive powerful emotions behind every hypnotic phrase you will be congruent. And the more congruent you are the more you will get the results you want in persuasion. In such a way that you will quickly notice your sales, success and income increase to levels beyond what you thought was possible.
You want to be more persuasive, that’s probably why you are on this blog. Perhaps because you want to increase your sales and income or because you want to win friends and influence people, or perhaps you want to present yourself in a more attractive way to the opposite sex.
Thinking about the objectives you have, and thinking about using persuasion and influence skills to obtain those objectives, eventually leads you to learning rapport strategies. Because unless you have rapport with people you are trying to influence, you might as well throw any other persuasion, covert hypnosis, or influence skill out the window.
You probably have heard about matching and mirroring, and maybe some other NLP based rapport techniques. I am going to share with you 8 advanced and powerful rapport strategies that you probably haven’t heard of before.
As powerful as these rapport strategies are, they are not silver bullets. These methods will work best depending on the situation you are in, because all situations are unique. However, you will notice the more you use them the more people will find themselves drawn to you and you will become extremely persuasive and irresistibly charismatic.
1. Match the Other Persons Breathing.
When done properly matching and mirroring a persons physical gestures is effective at gaining rapport. What I have found is when it comes to mirroring, the more unconscious the gesture is, i.e. the more it is out of the persons conscious awareness, the more it has an impact on rapport. This is why mirroring someone breathing is so effective, in normal conversation people don’t think about their breathing.
When I first heard this method it sounded really hard, how do you notice the rhythm of someone’s breathing without staring at the person’s chest?
Especially with females this seems like it would be a problem.
Here’s what you do, when people are speaking they are breathing out, so when they stop speaking most of the time they are breathing in. To match their breathing, breathe out when they are speaking and breathe in when they stop talking.
2. Mirror Facial Expressions
This is one of the easiest ways to match someone because unless you are being really ridiculously obvious, there is no way to get caught. Simply because the only way they can see what facial expression they are giving is you have a mirror up against their face.
P.S. This is also one of the best ways to test for rapport too. If you want to see if you have rapport with someone make a slight change in your face, I squint when I am stressing a point, and see if they follow by making the same face. You will be amazed at this, believe me it works – really good.
3. State Truisms in Their Reality
If you state something that is obviously true, their unconscious mind will recognize you as a truthful person and you will gain rapport. You want to say things that they cannot contest; this will get them into an agreeable state of mind. Truisms typically can be anything that is observable in the current environment. For example:
“We’re here and we are obviously looking at this type of product.” or “I noticed you were over here standing by this product on and earlier you were looking at the product over there” or “We have a lot of customers in here today” or “You look like you are pressed for time”
If you are good at calibrating you might even be able to state a truism about what they are thinking.
For example when your prospect hears the price, and their eyes get big, and they take a step back, and it’s obvious they have a concern about price. You can say, “The other day I had a client who asked me about the prices and he said at fist he thought our price seemed to be more than he expected…”
4. Use Hypnotic Language Patterns to Increase Rapport
This is a more advanced strategy, and I will recommend some practice alone before application in the real world. I would only use it if you already have at least a little rapport, and then stack it in to the over all method to dramatically increase rapport.
“As we are talking today naturally we will begin to open up to each other, the more we talk you are going to notice how much more connected we become, you may or may not be aware that underneath those questions is the desire to connect with a person, or it’s not important to feel that connection now, only that you feel it as naturally and easily as you find reasons to feel connected, don’t you agree.
Language patterns are great because they presuppose you already have or quickly will be in rapport, and it is very difficult people to resist things that are inevitable For more on how to use and create your own language patterns see my article How to create your own Covert Hypnotic Language Patterns.
5. Use Descriptive Language to Increase Rapport
Some persuasion gurus say this works like magic, others say it’s as useful as having an ear on your elbow. I say ANYTHING can be appropriate under the right circumstances. Why thrown out a tool all together.
Descriptive language is effective, because it entails trance phrases, a little story telling, stating truisms, as well as hypnotic language patterns:
“Have you ever met someone first time, and you just found yourself feeling really connected to them. Maybe because you just feel it in your gut or maybe because they say something that really just resonates with you just can’t explain it, but for whatever reason you naturally find yourself just being drawn it this person, almost to the point where it seemed like the rest of the world just disappears, and time stands still, and all you feel all you experience is the power and the warmth of that connection?”
I realize this might sound funny in your head as you are reading it, this is an extreme example for sake of stressing the point of how to apply this. Anytime you describe an unconscious process the person will feel at least a little of that process, if you tonality is congruent and it makes sense to bring up conversationally.
Everyone has a unique nonverbal hello. It could be the way you nod your head, the way you smile when you greet people, or even a unique eye movement.
The rapport strategy here is to greet a person without giving them your unconscious hello, and when they give you theirs you immediately mirror it back at them.
Sounds simple right?
I gotta tell ya of all the strategies I am sharing with you about rapport in this post, the unconscious hello, if one of my favorites and in my experience it has also been one of the most powerful.
As simple as it sounds this one has been difficult for me personally to master. It requires focus and excellent calibration skills. But when I do it correctly with clients and people I meet socially it works better than many of the other rapport strategies combined!
It creates such instant and powerful rapport that the other strategies of rapport become unnecessary to use.
This technique is so complex it deserves it’s own post, and or video. In the mean while if you want to learn more about the unconscious hello search the archives in the NLP Connections Forum or go to a Kenrick Cleveland Max Persuasion seminar, he is the only one I know of who teaches this strategy.
7. Constructive Imaginary Experiences
A forewarning, this one gets a little woo woo. But as new-agey as it will sound, a lot of popular persuasion gurus have some type of method like this they teach. It works like this, as you are focusing on the person you want to gain rapport with, in your imagination see or feel some type of positive imaginary experience associated with them.
Kenrick Cleveland in his Max Persuasion course offers the experience of imagining a beam of light shooting into their eyes that works to connect you together. Tom and Kim of essential skills.com use a golden bubble of light surrounding the other person that opens the door way to rapport
I know this can sound like a bunch esoteric B.S., but I think there is a practical “planet earth” explanation for it.
One of the fundamental principles of NLP is that anyone can do anything if they are in the right mental and emotional state.
I think constructing imaginary experiences like this work because they change your internal state. When you are focusing, getting the deal, how you look, or wondering if they like you are in a state that hinders rapport. When you imagine surrounding someone with warm positive energy you are focusing on rapport and connection and most importantly THEM.
I think people can sense when you are looking at them as a piece of meat or a walking dollar. People can also sense when you care. It’s all in your state.
Some people try to explain this method by getting into chi, energy, psychic influence, and all other sorts of pseudo scientific reasons as to why this method is so effective. I would rather not get into that. I just care about results and I am sure you do to. Try is, if it works you have another tool to gain rapport.
8. Anchoring to Gain Rapport
In NLP, they call this high jacking anchors. Go watch Tony Robbins live or on DVD and you will see an example of the world most notorious anchor high jacker. He will be speaking, and he’ll go off on a motivational tangent and he’ll mention something about Buddha or Jesus Christ. Watch what he does with his hands. Whenever he says Jesus, or Buddah or any other person from history that he knows has a huge impact on many people, he will point to himself.
Now, this works for Tony because he is already in a frame where he is a powerful leader and teacher and he is saying it while surrounded my hundreds of people. So it’s not that big of a stretch for him.
I wouldn’t go around to people on the street and saying JESUS! while pointing to your chest, you’ll probably look like you escaped from a mental institution.
Here is how you can use it in the real world. Say you are meeting some one for the first time and you want to gain rapport you could say “I had such a great day the other day I went fishing with my best buddy Mike… Ya know, what it’s like when you are with your best friend (gesture to yourself) it’s really a nice way to spend your day off”
What do you think? Do you Have a Question About Any of These Rapport Strategies? Would You Like to Share How You Would Use The Rapport Strategies? If So Please Leave a Comment in the comment Box Below- Thanks for Reading My Article! -Bill
I just read a very controversial article by Deborah over atNew Media Marketing on how to be more influential in social networks, specifically twitter. Deborah wrote in this article that women are better persuaders than men, always have been always will be, and us men need to get our act together if we are ever going to make it in the new web 2.0 culture of marketing.
Some people have been calling this article sexist. Gee, I wonder why?/sarcasm
Deborah then went on to say that is mostly the men on the very popular social site Twitter, are not able to reap the benefits because men are bad at connecting and women are the queens of connection.
She even made the bold statement of claiming that women have been influencing men since the beginning of time, with Adam and Eve as an example.
By the way,I don’t think it was Eve’s ability to connect that got her to persuade Adam, I think she used other assets. That’s right, I went there >:-)
Seriously though, here is a quote from her article:
“Since the dawn of time, women have been influencing men–whether men admit it or not (Remember the apple? Bathsheba?)…I’m merely pointing out that connecting and influencing people is not something that comes naturally to men. But just as any skill can be learned in business in order to succeed, men are learning from women how to succeed in the New Media Marketplace that requires you to really get to know your clients, prospects and followers.” -Deborah Micek
Interesting idea Deborah, but I gotta school ya on this one.
I do agree that some twitterers just push their product and or blog without connecting with anyone and then they get frustrated and wonder why they are not getting all the benefits from twitter that they were told were possible.
I see what she is saying, and it makes sense, in the new web 2.o where social media and human connection is how people are finding information online. And women by their very nature are usually pros at making social connections, but I think she is still missing one important thing.
There is a persuasion philosophy that I subscribe to, and it applies whether you are influencing others face to face, online, offline, in person and on the phone.
Influence can be summed up and chunked down into two basic components connect and lead.
You must make the connection that establishes trust, rapport and credibility, and THEN you leverage that connection to lead them to take action.
You have probably heard of the Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang. The concept of yin and yang (or masculine and feminine) describes two opposing and, at the same time, complementary aspects of human beings.
We all have both energies within us, but with most people one tends to be dominant.
Therein lays the problem grasshopper, when you are too dominant in masculine energy or too feminine in your energy you persuasion style suffers.
I think what Deborah is talking about on twitter with her examples of the Men who are less persuasive need to balance out their masculine and feminine energy.
Men who are too dominantly masculine in persuasion situations come across as the pushy salesman, too eager to close the deal, without taking the time to really connect, get rapport with a person, and really see what their needs are still not going to reach their full persuasion potential online or offline
So I can agree with her at least this much, however the same thing goes for women.
Women who are too dominantly feminine in persuasion situations come across as too compassionate, and too nurturing. This person might find themselves talking too much about things that have nothing to do with what you are marketing, because you are too busy trying to connect are neither reaching their full persuasion potential.
In this sense rapport and connection is a two edged sword.
Think of salesman or saleswoman who has such strong rapport and connects so deeply with the client that they feel too much compassion, and when the client offers an objection you agree with them, because you are too good of friend now.
It isn’t that masculine energy is better in persuasion of that feminine energy is more appropriate for influence. Masculine energy and feminine energy compliment each other.
In short, Deborah men and women can learn from each other, when it comes to persuasion.
Men can learn from women by balancing their dominant and at times pushy energy, with the nurturing caring energy that leads to rapport, connection, and trust.
Women can learn from men by balancing their strong compassionate, nurturing energy with masculine energy because it’s that energy which leads people to take action, which is what persuasion is all about.
To learn more about balancing your yin and yang energies for maximum persuasion power about the law of balance, in my article the 7 Inner Laws of Persuasion
P.S.
If you do not know what twitter is, it’s a new and unique type of social network, you can check out my profile here @persuasionrtist. It’s a great way to network with people, of similar interests, and a lot of big gun marketers and bloggers are using it to stimulate interest in their blogs and products.
I want to hear what you have to say about this controversial topic. Whether you agree or disagree with me, I welcome your feedback in the comment box below.
I cried as I walked home that day. I lost my job, I was days away from losing my apartment and I was coming to the realization that if I didn’t find a way to make some money quick I would be sleeping in my car.
One of my friends Shawn was a salesman, and he said he could get me a job, but I had to be able to sell. “I don’t know how to sell” I said. Shawn gave me a book, and said “Read it, this book will tell you everything you need to know about selling”
That night I read the book. At first it seemed like a foreign language, it was the first time I read about Neuro Linguistic Programming, matching and mirroring, rapport, presuppositions and other NLP and hypnosis based communication.
One of the things this book said that I will never forget is what it said about stories. It said that underneath the masterful language of the most powerful persuaders in history is the ability to tell a persuasive story.
1. Stories are Entertaining
You can’t persuade people who are not listening. People just don’t resist listening to a good story. It grabs people’s attention by the ears and gets them to focus entirely on you.
2. Stories Leverage Cultural Programming
We have been read stories since we were children; people are programmed to listen closely to every word as soon as you say once upon a time, or long ago, or the other day.
3. Stories Induce Trance
You don’t need to be swinging a watch in front of someone to lead them into a trance. All a trance is a narrowing of focus. When you tell a story well you are inducing a type of trance.
4. Stories Generate Rapport
If your story captures and leads a person’s imagination they will feel more connected to you.
That actually reminded me of the first time I was hypnotized. The hypnotherapist used a strategy for using stories to induce trance in me. The strategy worked like this; the hypnotist begins to tell a story that seems to be related to my problem, then before that story reached it’s conclusion, the hypnotist begins another story within the story, and then another story within that story, then one by one he ends each story until finally he ends with the story he first began.
Confused? I sure was, but that’s the point. Good hypnotists know that confusion is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to induce a trance. When the subject is hearing multiple stories it is difficult for the conscious mind to keep track of what is going on and they go into trance.
You should know by now reading this blog that when people go into trance, the critical factor goes down and direct suggestions and embedded commands have greater strength. Strength that allows the hypnotist’s message to be completely engraved in your mind.
This book taught me how to use this type of story in sales presentations.
The beauty of these hypnotic stories wasn’t in the use of embedded stories within the story alone, but that he used embedded commands within the story.
If this article is confusing that’s okay, I just want you to remember this phrase and it will all make sense, I YOU SHIFT.
A fundamental part of covert hypnosis and persuasion is the used of embedded commands. These are indirect commands that you can hide in your language that people will pick up on subliminally.
The I You Shift is what will give you the opportunity to use embedded commands with people easily. While I haven’t talked about embedded commands much yet with you on this blog I soon, and I’ll recommend some places where you can learn more about embedded commands.
The I You Shift is little covert hypnosis trick that is sneaky as hell, sounds totally normal in the English language, and is so simple you can begin using it today.
It works by talking about an experience and elaborating it but then speaking about your self in the second person- YOU.
The other day I went to the beach, it was so relaxing, it’s like YOU just step into this place of total ease and comfort
I was talking to my friend about this product and he said, it’s just like YOU can relax so easily knowing it’s the best on the market.
Notice where the I becomes a YOU but technically I am still talking about myself, so it’s conversationally okay.
Here is an example of a combination of embedded stories, the I You Shift, and embedded commands.
The Other day I was speaking to a client, and what she said was, isn’t it interesting how a part of you can begin to feel incredibly good about this product, while another part of you can begin to imagine all the wonderful and exciting ways you will take advantage of a product like this, to the point where you wake up in the morning and just feel really good about making the decision to buy. Now with me, and my perspective, I thought was surprised that she could feel all that so naturally and easily, but when I thought about it, it made sense because this product has a proven track record of getting or clients results.
Notice how I start by telling a story about speaking with a client, and the story my client told me, and then notice the way I am able to easily embed direct commands and suggestions indirectly.
The embedded commands are: begin to feel really good, begin to imagine, feel really good, and the sneakiest one is the last one “..making the decision to buy. Now, with me and my perspective…” the embedded command is BUY NOW WITH ME.
I didn’t realize it until years later, but as I was reading the book Shawn had given me I was reading a book that changed the course of my life forever; leading me eventually to being one of the top sales people in a large company, financial comfort, , and becoming a master hypnotist.
More About Persuasion and Stories from The Blogosphere:
IMPORTANT NOTE: The following is not a sales page, I am in no way affiliated with the following program and you will not see an affiliate link from me in this post. I do not care if you buy this guys stuff or not. This is important news in this persuasion industry that I wanted to share.
Even though I keep hearing the name Marc Hogan name all over the persuasion forums and persuasion blogs, I have never purchased any of his products, so I cannot personally testify to the quality of material.
But apparently Marc comes highly recommended as a teacher who is highly skilled and has quality material by a few of my fellow persuasion bloggers.
If your goals are directed more towards persuasion and daily social interactions I highly recommend Marc Hogan and his S.T.E.A.L.T.H.™ Influence & Sales Mastery 8 DVD Set. He is in the UK, but ships just about anywhere. This is some of the best hands-on instruction I’ve seen anywhere. The DVDs may seem expensive ($394), but they’re worth it. There isn’t any filler and they cover just about all you’ll ever need. It’s hard to really use this stuff until you actually see and hear it, then go out and try to apply it.
Marc Hogan’s site is http://www.persuasion-skills.co.uk. I am not affiliated with Marc Hogan in any way, but I have no problem recommending this product. If he had an affiliate program, I’d be the first to join. -Allen Parks Covert Metaphor
According to Marc in a statement to his list, he was made an offer he couldn’t refuse and is contractually obligated to stop selling his products to the general public by the 23rd.
He swears this isn’t marketing bullshit. Word out on the street is he’s not one to pull marketing stunts of this type.
His sites are already linked to another site that he will be 100% involved with after the 23rd and fully out of offering trainings or products to the public.
I guess everyone does have a price.
Marc’s flagship product, S.T.E.A.L.T.H. Persuasion is being sold only until the
23rd at a deep discount or until they’re gone.
S.T.E.A.L.T.H. stands for: Signal Tracking Elicitation Anchoring Language Trance Heuristics.
With the code, instead of paying $374.00, you’ll pay $191 if you want it through
the 23rd. Two quality bonuses are offered also. Especially if you are
interviewing for work right now. One of the bonus items will be better for you
than the S.T.E.A.L.T.H. offer.
I see so many fundamentals of martial arts parallel the persuasion and influence arts. One of the basic fundamentals of aikido is using the opponent’s momentum and energy against them to throw them.
It is a violent metaphor; but hopefully you do not read this and start throwing your clients around. But one of the keys of persuasion is to be able to use the words, actions, and energy that your client gives you as a tool to persuade them.
One way to use your clients energy against them is to always be affirming their resistance.
One thing I see poor salespeople do all the time, is that they can tell when a prospect is resisting their message, they just continue with that message in hopes that their message will overcome the client or customers objection.
This strategy is as practical as giving your car a new paint job every time it gets dirty instead of getting a car wash.
The covert persuasion strategy is instead of ignoring the objection, affirm their resistance. In NLP this is called pacing. Before you overcome the objection you can say things like “that is a valid concern,” “I used to feel the same way, but because of-,” or “that is a really good question, lets address that-“
When you show that you understand them which gains rapport and you look like a professional. When you ignore the objection it looks like you are hiding something
Bonus tip: If you have an objection that you hear all the time, this is something you want to address early on in the presentation. A lot of my customer ask me if this car gets poor gas mileage because of it’s size, and that’s a valid concern in today’s economy, but because of XYZ feature that is a concern that you can let go of”
People get attached emotionally to physical objects all the time. We do this often with objects that hold sentimental value. Imagine what it would be like if you could trigger these intense emotions in others and naturally, easily, and all the time.
Now imagine what it would be like if you could make your prospect attach strong emotions of pleasure and desire to your product?
With persuasion and covert hypnosis that’s what happens with anchoring physical objects.
It happens when you elicit a feeling and anchor it to a physical object, so that every time your subject becomes aware of the object they feel the emotion you elicited.
Here is a videowhere you will see Kim McFarland anchor strong emotions to sugar packets.
2. Like Me Hate Them
This one is easy and completely covert and very simple. Elicit a bad emotion anchor your competition in it. Elicit a good emotion place yourself or your product in it. Here’s a video of Tom Vizinni demonstrating this one:
3. Anchoring Amnesia
I believe this anchoring strategy is from Kenrick Cleveland’s off the market Dark Side of Persuasion course. The Dark Side was a controversial course where Kenrick teaches persuasion strategies that could cause serious harm to people. Kenrick also made purchasers sign an agreement that they would only use the Dark Strategies as self-defense only.
Anchoring amnesia is probably less practical of a skill unless you just want to just f*ck with people. Some find it humorous others find it cruel. This is the only one of the bad ass anchoring strategies I would advise against using. Read my Warning and Disclaimer before watching this video of Kendrick Cleveland displaying anchoring amnesia.
4. The Swish Pattern
The NLP swish pattern is a strategy of anchoring similar to the “Like me, Hate Them” strategy above. With the swish pattern you elicit a feeling of uncertainty in your subject and then elicit a feeling of absolute certainty. Next, you fire the anchor when you speak of something you want them to be certain of or uncertain of.
For example is sales, you could make your client uncertain about your competition or make them absolutely certain that your product is the best for them.
In the following video world famous mentalist, and my hero, Derren Brown uses this type of anchoring it to make a woman forget the color of her car.
So, here you are reading an article about persuasion, reading at a speed that is best for you, focusing on the information that you identify and resonate most with, coming to new conclusions about just how more persuasive you can be.
And as you ponder how persuasive you can become, what you’ll find is the more you focus on those conclusions, and the more you think about what you are reading now, the more this message begins to ring even clearer to you, sounding you off to go and get exactly what you want out of life.
Ok, if just went into a deep trance and hit your face on the keyboard my apologies (just kidding)
Obviously my opening two paragraphs are covert hypnotic language patterns. This pattern is called pacing and leading. The art of pacing and leading is stacking truisms and then strategically throwing in suggestions to take them in a new direction. It’s pretty slick. You do this by stating undeniable truths a person cannot argue with in their internal or external environment. Then leading would be adding a new idea or action you want them to take.
Pacing and leading works because there is less resistance from the person to do what you are suggesting when you soften the statement with things they can’t resist. Old-school sales courses refer this to a “yes set”, but this is a lot more covert and hypnotic and when done with the proper congruence and tonality.
This hypnotic language pattern will allow you to lead any conversation covertly and smoothly.
Here is a popular formula for pacing and leading:
Pace, Pace, Pace, Lead
Pace, Pace, Lead, Lead
Pace, Lead, Lead, Lead
Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead
*Assignment: read the first two paragraphs in this article again above and see if you can locate the different pacing sentences, and different leading sentences.
Here is a sales example, and I will mark the pacing and the leading:
(pace1)You’re here for some pretty important reasons, (pace2) reasons that caused you to come here today (pace3) like most of my prospective clients you probably have some questions, and (lead1) you will naturally use the information from those questions to make an intelligent decision today.
(pace1) and as we are talking about these things, (pace2) there will be some things I say that will make sense and some things that really make sense to your specific situation (lead1) and the more you focus on those specific things (lead2) the more you begin to realize that our product and your needs fit together in a really harmonious way.
(pace1)and that can seem like a tall order at first (lead1) at the same time as a result of our interaction today you will become even more aware of how true that is, (lead2) not because we need to sell or convince you that this is right for you (lead3) but because the right decision, with us, will always feel natural and easy, just like it has for all the other clients we serve.
Man that was really good one, I think I’ll use that one today! If you can’t hear the effectiveness of that pattern then check your pulse!
Study that and model if you are in sales, that is a really good use of hypnotic pacing and leading. When said with congruence, it will come across as someone who is confident that they are able to meet their client’s needs.
Use your new powers for good not evil, -Bill “Persuasion Artist” Alexander
This is case study 7 of The Great Rapport Experiment of 2008: Matching and Mirroring Edition. This is an experiment in persuasion to see what methods of influence work best in the real world. These are all true stories and all subjects are real.
Something unexpected happened in this case study, and I learned a new insight about the effect of mirroring someone you already have rapport with.
Normally when a new customer walks in the door, they don’t know me and naturally there is no rapport at first glance, I need to warm em up.
That was not the case in this unique case study. A nice young lady walked in the door that I had already met because her mother had purchased something from me many months ago. Because of this we had a little bit of rapport from the get-go as she remembered me.
Of course, I began matching and mirroring her movements.
The rapport shot through the roof!
The experience reminded me those movies where there is a scene between a man and woman and there is the tension of attraction as they finish each others words, because there is an obvious connection going on?
A good example for this is in that old Brad Pitt movie Meet Joe Black There is a scene in the film where he meets his female interest in a coffee shop, and there is a really strong and obvious connection and attraction underneath every word they are saying. Then you see them both pick up the sugar at the same time, then immediately after that they pour their cream in at the exact same time, and then they both pick up their spoon at the exact same time.
As I have said before, mirroring happens naturally all the time when too people connect.
It is also important to know that mirroring and matching of connections like this are the effect of rapport not the cause of rapport. The phenomena of someone moving like you do unconsciously is pretty neat if you think about it; but that’s not as important as the connection and trust that is occurring underneath all of that with allows you to influence someone.
Well meeting with this client was like that minus the romantic part. The rapport went through the roof, we were laughing together, and we chatted long after the sale was closed. The most interesting part was that I intuitively knew what she was going to say at times before she said it.
It was a little eerie, I don’t want to say it was like a psychic connection, but I was really aware of her state, such that it felt like it was my state.
Case Study 7 Insight:
Supports idea that when you already have rapport matching and or mirroring accelerates rapport. I believe that mirroring is the effect of deep rapport rather than the cause of it.
Here is the clip from Meet Joe Black where we see a great example of people naturally matching and mirroring each other, as the effect of rapport and connection:
Hello, my name is Bill "Persuasion Artist" Alexander. I am an avid student of persuasion and Influence.
I have a strong fascination for the mind, and I am passionate about the words, actions, and energies that influence the minds of others.
This is a blog of my insights on capturing and leading the imaginations of others using psychology, hypnosis, NLP, suggestion, and subconscious communication. I’ve been called a genius and I’ve been called dangerous.
All powerful forces can be used for good or evil. I encourage my readers to use these strategies for good and not in a harmful and manipulative way. Please see my Warning for more on ethics and persuasion.
Keep an open mind, feel free to ask me anything, I respond to all comments quickly, and I encourage and welcome intelligent discussion and debate. The content here is all free, so enjoy.
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photo credit: Lafayette Hater
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