The correct response for the Bar tender or Barista is to point out to the customer that only members of staff are allowed behind the counter, and that as an employee of the company, it is his or her job to ‘get’ beverages on behalf of the customer. The correct question is “Can you get me a beer/coffee?” or “Can I have a beer/coffee?”

The point of that ramble is to demonstrate that people are often terrible at expressing themselves, whilst the rest of the world has to try to compensate for their shortcomings, and work out what they really mean. Of course, now I’ve just sabotaged my changes of ever working for Starbucks etc. but I suspect that what Bill’s friend really means is that sometimes an off button is a good thing, and not all conversations need a bunch of process language sentences nailed in. Even the great Milton Erickson spoke normally on occasion.

Usually logical arguments are just as effective as the covert sort.

I’m always happy when I see the website updated with new content, sometimes I check the website more than 2 times/ day.

I just want to thank you for sensible advice on persuasion for getting laid.This is why I read your articals as they are not just mechanical ” how to do ” s , also have SPIRIT . Keep up the good work .

Grrrreat post! I wanted to bookmark this on Friend Feed, but I’m unable to follow your Tweets bummer - cuz we had so much fun last month debating about women and men and persuasion.

Will you be at Dave’s event next weekend?

Perhaps we’ll be able to connect in person and chat more - then u can persuade me even more

I was chatting earlier today to a friend, who seems to like putting herself down alot. I always try and persuade her change her view of herself. Here is my reply to her asking why I compliment her so much.

“It was just me helping you see yourself the way you truely are. A friend of mine once told me that the way we portray ourselves to others is how we see and feel about ourselves, if we don’t love who we are, why should others? I know you know this, and every time you hear this you will begin to understand it on an even deeper level, with absolute and concise clarity of how special you really are, is that not true?”

Could you give your opinion on my language and where i could improve?

BILL:Yes that is accurate, but this part presupposes you already have rapport. This is not an attempt to get rapport, this is fishing for a topic that is a good one to run a pattern on, I gave a list above showing examples of good topics for patterns.

[i]”You want to start talking about something interesting, something that
is rich with meaning and or requires imagination.”[/i]
At this part do you have a plan in mind, or something that you have to to
step by step to get to the desired state ?

BILL:that is a good question, what state do you want to get a person to be in around you? Comfort, trust, connection, trance, arousal, ecstasy, passion, excitement. In the example above I just used what she was giving me. Please note that the above example was exactly that AN EXAMPLE, I just made it up as I wrote the article.

The better you are at calibration the better you will be able to gauge what state will best get you your desired outcome. I know that sounds vague but some parts of the persuasion process you will not understand till you TRY THEM M!HAI, you will notice the more you try them and the better you get at the patterns the more you will instinctively know which states to create in others.

Or you could ask yourself what states do I go into when I X, where X equals the thing you are influencing someone to do. When you become attracted to someone or fall in love with someone, or become interested in something how does it start, what state are you in first, (curiosity, fascination, wonder etc) those are all resourceful states you could use and then from there what states does it lead to.

You ask excellent questions, but at times I wonder if they are as helpful as the answers you will discover on your own as you experiment on your own and report back.

I also wonder exactly how much more powerful in your persuasion skills you will become when you look at it more like an art and less like a mathematical equation. I mean what the difference between art class and math class, math class you are bound by certain rules and limits of a predetermined system and there is only one correct answer to every problem.

But art class there is many solutions to every situation, and many different beautiful forms of expressions. Expression that allows you to go inside and imagine something amazing that you want to create and it allows you to feel so empowered and liberated because you know that you can only get it right .

I remember when I was in high school there was a kid named Jared, and Jared was the most brilliant artist in the class, one day I asked him how he was able to create such beautiful paintings, and he said its like you begin to really FOCUS ON THE IMAGE in your mind of this beautiful art. And that focus naturally leads to going into a state of pure expression, where it doesn’t matter how it turns out, but all that matters is the fun and the journey of creating the art.

[i]”I live in Los Angeles and there are a lot of actors here, so I’ll use
that one. So lets say she’s an actress and she’s talking about how much
she loves acting. So I am going to use acting as the focus of my
pattern.[/i]

Why acting ? What is your purpose with this pattern ? What are you trying
to achieve ? As I see it speaking about acting you demonstrate her that
you understand her world, and in conclusion you increase rapport.

BILL:Why did I choose acting? I am giving her a cookie of positive emotions to eat. This state here is like a trance state, trance states feel good. Trance is the beautiful relaxing peaceful moment of oneness with your environment.

Again bro this was just an example, I already explained the criteria for the topics you choose to make a pattern on. If she said she loved, it doesn’t matter what the exact topic is. Do me a favor read it again and forget about the words and the content, forget about acting for get about the state I created, and look at the STRUCTURE OF WHAT I DID. I laid the structure out very clearly; it would serve you best to not analyze my exact wording and look at HOW I said it rather than what I said..

the rapport is just a natural bi-product of the conversation that she is interested in, but again I already have rapport by this time.

[b]Later edit[/b] : I saw that in the end you anchored the emotion that acting offers to that woman, but what is the effect of this ? Or how you’ll use the anchor ?

BILL:It anchors those positive emotions to me Guess where that might be useful, and depending on my skill level and her suggestibility level, she will probably think of me every time she acts. I created the state I might as well take credit for it.

[i]“I was watching a TV show and they were interviewing a man who was an
expert in psychology and he was telling a story about a little boy who
overcame blindness, and this little boy said…”[/i]

I love this example …you can even fool a skilled person by losing them
on the road with this kind of story. BTW - You’re good !

BILL:Thanks I have had good teachers, and I read a sh*t load of books, and I love this stuff!

As I’ve said in the previous comment, there is a lot to learn from this post, and someway is overwhelming, …even you said that you used a lot of techniques here ( persuasive themes, transitions, quotes, pronoun shifts, hypnotic lead-ins, embedded commands, descriptive language, and binder commands ). I also know them, their meaning, but I don’t have the skill (yet) to put them all together, and that’s why I would like to ask you how I should start to develop my skill ? Sit down and write ? This was one of the advices you gave to the readers in a previous post.

BILL:I was working on a post about how to be more persuasive in social circles like bars and nightclubs, but tell ya what, since you have left more helpful comments than anyone of my readers I will work on making my next post about persuasion practice

[i]”So you are talking about the weather, or a movie, or things you are

both interested in, or whatever and you find something that you can use to

start a pattern.”[/i]

There is the rapport part ( topics that you are both interested, and that

can keep a conversation going ). As I’ve read before patterns sound wired

without good rapport.

[i]”You want to start talking about something interesting, something that

is rich with meaning and or requires imagination.”[/i]

At this part do you have a plan in mind, or something that you have to to

step by step to get to the desired state ?

[i]”I live in Los Angeles and there are a lot of actors here, so I’ll use

that one. So lets say she’s an actress and she’s talking about how much

she loves acting. So I am going to use acting as the focus of my

pattern.[/i]

Why acting ? What is your purpose with this pattern ? What are you trying

to achieve ? As I see it speaking about acting you demonstrate her that

you understand her world, and in conclusion you increase rapport.

[b]Later edit[/b] : I saw that in the end you anchored the emotion that acting offers to that woman, but what is the effect of this ? Or how you’ll use the anchor ?

[i]“I was watching a TV show and they were interviewing a man who was an

expert in psychology and he was telling a story about a little boy who

overcame blindness, and this little boy said…”[/i]

I love this example …you can even fool a skilled person by losing them

on the road with this kind of story. BTW - You’re good !

As I’ve said in the previous comment, there is a lot to learn from this post, and someway is overwhelming, …even you said that you used a lot of techniques here ( persuasive themes, transitions, quotes, pronoun shifts, hypnotic lead-ins, embedded commands, descriptive language, and binder commands ). I also know them, their meaning, but I don’t have the skill (yet) to put them all together, and that’s why I would like to ask you how I should start to develop my skill ? Sit down and write ? This was one of the advices you gave to the readers in a previous post.

-Bill